a thunderwraith aye how the heck did this pinecone pikmin or clawbel do that shooting star move

if you stop this story... lets just say i know where you live. Dont threaten people to review just ask and continue updating. Good chapter though it's just on the short side.

hm definently diferent but good please contineu

this is not that long to be honest

Hrm. Groinks fire explosive shells, and Dirigibugs drop bomb-rocks. I don't think Torkanbrand could've been zapped, or even that the pikmin couldn't get away in time.

I liked the part where you mentioned a Thunderwraith. Some nice tidbit of trivia for the story's background, and an interesting idea for a Wraith (since we know so little about them and, so far, they have no diversity).

However, I'd hardly call Heath's monotone one-paragraph speech "ground-breaking". If Obama were to walk up on stage and say "The Economy is in the tank. I'm going to sign some bills and make you pay more money, so that you'll only have to pay less money." it wouldn't be at all groundbreaking.

And it took a whole week for the Shaman to convene a meeting? I was under the impression that the greens were of a small populaton. :?/

If you want or need any help with anything concerning this story, contact me. I'd tell you to contact V Rex and/or Insidious Harbinger, but they're never around anymore. :/ Anyway, I have yet to see anything substantial out of this story, so I'll wait until I see some real meat before I take a bite. Update soon!

Well, this chapter wasn't as good. I like the names for locations (such as Mesa Nero), but they seem strangely familiar. Did you take names from other Media, like Lord of the Rings, and give them a little twist?

The dialogue was bland, and your use of parenthesis to give us important information is a flaw in the story.

A plot hole concerning Torkanbrand (sounds like LOTR to me) is that if greens are immune to explosions... how did Groinks and Dirigibugs kill him? There was no mention of the electricity enemies from the first chapter.

Will you be using swords and such?

I see you've decided to go with short chapters here. A good design choice, but it greatly increases the number of chapters. Not necessarily a bad thing.

Liking the greens so far. But 'inexperienced and bored leafling assigned boring job / lookout duty' has been done to death. None of the characters have been characterized yet; we know nothing about them except their rank or job category, skin color, and name.

Also, in the first paragraph you used "there" improperly. It should have been "their". Just nitpicking. :P

A little shaky at first, but a great start for a story.

I look forward to reading more.

good but it was even shorter than the last chapter

WOW that is just... wow its good just a short chapter