|Reviews for Life of gymnastics|
| Guest 4/28/13 . chapter 2
Write more chapters
| MIOBI madness 4/12/13 . chapter 2
I luv luv luv this story please update
| Gymnast 4/7/13 . chapter 2
It was really good! Please keep writing it!
| Buttercup900 2/14/12 . chapter 2
Wow good but please make more!
ome i love stick it and i love nastia luikin so keep on going!
| Buttercup900 2/14/12 . chapter 1
Wow that was good :P I love the movie stick it and nastia luikin is one of my fav gymnast good job P.S. love the storys!
| Nemo Rider 8/20/11 . chapter 2
This is amazing!
This is the best Stick it story on the whole site!
| leele 3/29/10 . chapter 2
..Please...please continue ..please? :)
| MaskedNarnianQueen 3/21/10 . chapter 2
why did you stop there it was very good.
| ChristySiu 2/24/10 . chapter 2
omg please update! i LOVE LVOE LOVE gymnastics! x
| Well 12/31/09 . chapter 1
When I saw the summary for this story I couldn't not leave you a comment. This story makes no sense because Nastia Liukin appeared in Stick It as herself. It's a little disconcerting that you liked the movie enough to write a story about it but not enough to know that.
| nyakuot 12/10/09 . chapter 1
i like gymnastics two
| Mariah 10/5/09 . chapter 1
You should change you statement in the beginning. It sets off a bad vibe!
| Elemarth 9/26/09 . chapter 2
This is a nice review!
I wasn't going to read the next chapter because I was worried I'd have trouble keeping my thoughts to myself, and once was enough for both of us. But I couldn't resist.
This was better, and it fixed some of the problems I had with the ending of the last chapter. I wanted more description again, and it seems like Nastia cared more about money than the girl - but that doesn't matter. What really matters is that I read this chapter even though I thought I shouldn't. I mean, I really wanted to read more. My creative writing teacher always asks us when we're done critiquing someone's story, do we want to read more? And if we say yes, then that person succeeded.
I literally get sick to my stomach when someone criticizes my writing, but I keep asking for it because I really want to get published someday, and I have to know what to make better. I think the only reason I can write well now is that my mother once told me one of my stories (that I was proud of, too) had no emotion in it. I was miserable, and I think that's one of the reasons I'm so shy about my writing now, but I got so much better after that. I'd be so happy if you'd continue this story and get better as you go.
I really wish you'd send me even three words to say you read my reviews, but I know I can't really hope for that. I'd just like it.
| Elemarth 9/25/09 . chapter 1
You have a few problems here. Reviews that say "great story" really aren't too helpful, so here's something to help the story get better. (Not to make you feel bad. I don't waste my time doing that.) This is probably the longest review I've ever written, and I spent a lot of time on it, so please read it and think about what I'm saying.
Since you just started fanfiction, does that mean you haven't been writing long? Your story looks like you haven't had much practice. But I don't want to discourage you - I don't want to discourage anyone who writes about gymnastics! Like you, I LOVE gymnastics and Nastia Liukin! You just need more work.
There are two major problems. I'll start with the one that is a fact:
Most of the people on this site never actually read the guidelines, but I have, and this is part of them.
"Entries not allowed:
4. Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc."
Nastia is alive (non-historical) and definitely real, so technically I should report you for this. I won't. Because it's about gymnastics and it's your first story. That would be just mean. But you might want to consider moving this story somewhere else. I really don't know where, but you can look around.
The other problem is more complicated. It's something I can see in things I wrote when I was younger, and I noticed it a lot in my school creative writing club. I guess it's basically a lack of introduction and emotional reactions. This is a really short chapter, and I like longer chapters, so this would also help you there.
So you introduce it with a routine, and then a girl "dreaming about these people." But why is she dreaming about them if she thinks gymnastics is stupid? And what makes her think gymnastics is stupid? She must have a reason. I'd like to hear it. I'd also like to know who she is. What's her life like? What does she like to do? Who are her friends? I want to know something about her besides the fact that she thinks gymnastics is stupid.
Then, you go straight to her father being a jerk and putting her in gymnastics without asking her if she wants it or even asking if she is busy that day! Does he usually treat her like this? If so, she should think about the other thoughtless things he's done to her. If not, she should be completely shocked, and I hope he'd have a good reason for it.
Okay, now it might get confusing. Haley stomps out of the kitchen. This kind of tells us how she feels from another perspective. You don't describe the emotions that go through her, you just say what she does. Yes, you say she's furious, but you have to describe the feeling of it. And more - is she just furious? Or does she feel betrayed by her father? Or scared? Doesn't she feel shocked first? Show us. Go through her thoughts. Tell us a few emotions, then have her stomp out, then tell us more.
There are also logistical problems in all this, but most people who read won't really notice or care. But anyway, first, you can't sign up for gymnastics overnight. The gym has to be open for someone to answer the phone, and you probably have to actually go there. I'm not sure. Definitely not overnight. You also have to realize that if Nastia's coaching, she can't still be competing. I don't know your plans for that.
Okay. Then Nastia's part.
First, I want to see some of the normal class. I want to know what kind of skills they're doing. And I want to know how she deals with a new girl in the class. Does she have everyone introduce themselves? Does she try to get to know the new girl? Come on, tell us.
Then you inform us that Haley falls. You shouldn't do that. You should describe how Nastia is watching the girls on the beam, and she sees her fall, or someone shouts that a girl is hurt. (Not sure if you can land on your head off the beam, either, but I don't have any suggestion because she's a beginner and won't be trying to do flips.) And then you have to have Nastia react. Does she run over? Come on. Someone fell off. That's scary. This should be a hugely emotional part of the chapter. It came out as the opposite. Reading it, I'd say Nastia doesn't care if some little kid she's supposed to be teaching dies. And that's not true.
Nastia should be terrified. You should show her trying to find out if Haley is alive. You should have the other kids terrified, too, so Nastia has to deal with them as well. And when she isn't breathing,
I don't understand the end of it. First, if the phone line's down, someone would use a cell phone. There will be a working cell phone in the gym. And if a call goes to 911, it WILL be picked up. Second, how is there only one person in the gym to take care of her? If it's the end of class, the parents are there to pick up their children. One of them might be a doctor. Haley's father would also be there. And other coaches! There would never, ever be only one coach and one class in the gym, and WOGA is huge!
I bet that screws up your second chapter, though. But I'm serious that you should do something about it. Make the ambulance come really late or something. I don't know what comes next, but if Haley fell on her head and isn't breathing, she broke her neck and is dead. And if that isn't right but she doesn't breathe for more than a few minutes, she's brain damaged or dead anyway. But you might get around that next chapter.
Well, I was more harsh than I meant to be. I REALLY DO want you to keep writing, because you obviously have good ideas. You just need to work on some things.
Wow, this IS an essay. I wish I could write my essays for class this quickly. I really hope you read this.
If you don't hate me (I'd hate me) and actually want any more advice or just to talk about gymnastics, send me a private message. I can talk about gymnastics for hours.
| FireBornInsanity 9/18/09 . chapter 2
lol love it!