|Reviews for Out of the Ordinary|
| SilverThornz 9/3/12 . chapter 1
haha cute me lovey!
| ChocolateTruffles 7/1/12 . chapter 1
Very nice. It seems we do share the propensity for unusual pairings or pairings (sort of in this case) that have very few stories written about. Glad to read your take on this. Is this just a one-shot? I must say I am curious how Division 10 will now operate with Harribel and her Fraccion in their fight against Aizen. :D Good job!
| softdreamer 5/6/10 . chapter 1
hope you gonna continue it
good work and liked it :D
| Dai Reth 10/29/09 . chapter 1
Defiantly OC, but its written in good language, the plot is interesting, and the tone is amusing. Please write more?
| outlaw hunter 9/26/09 . chapter 1
Very nice and awesome
| Galimaufry 8/20/09 . chapter 1
Omnomnomnom So you also like the idea of the both of them? Good, I do too! I hope that you continue this, it promises to be very amusing at points...XD It'd be grea if she helped him complete his Bankai...great, great fic!
| phppsmss 8/19/09 . chapter 1
| babygaaralover 7/8/09 . chapter 1
O.K FINALLY A STORY WITH THESE TWO!
THANK YOU THANK YOU!
PLEASE UPDATE SOON! THAT IS IF YOU ARE GOING TO CONTINUE THIS STORY!
| Mestophilies 7/8/09 . chapter 1
Really lovely :P So cute too! Could you do a longer on that's HalibelxHitsugaya?
| GhostRein 7/7/09 . chapter 1
Really nice! Write more!
| Random101 7/5/09 . chapter 1
Hmm... Interesting concept. Most of the stories I read here I glance over first to see if it's readable, dropping it if it's not, but this one passed that test rather easily despite my high standards for character portrayal, mostly because the concept itself was intriguing. To the point where I actually brought myself to review it to note it, which I haven't done in years. You could easily go places with this.
Not to say it was flawless, as the second part suffered from what I like to call unnecessary flashback syndrome, when it could easily have been shown in chronological order, but in comparison to the intriguing concept you have her in a fandom that sorely lacks it, that's a minor annoyance (And I'm picky anyway, and seemingly the only one who doesn't like this convention, so don't let it bother you). I also had a bit of trouble swallowing him giving the blade to her, but then I remembered Tousen, who had his friend's sword, and I could sorta swallow the concept. Odd, but it does have foundation in canon.
I'll give you some friendly advice to tread carefully with your portrayal of characters though, as if you miss out on some progression and showing why they act that way you could easily make them act drastically different than they would normally. Some of the conversations in this chapter felt a tad forced, but certainly not unreadable (Example: That bit with Hitsugaya telling her 'I’d much rather hear it from you as you seem willing to share', as you could probably cut that out and just have her decide to fill in the blanks). Though that too was minor here, and most everything pretty much fit as is in terms of canon. And I liked how you kept them with the poker faces yet still having that subtle posturing going on. Nice touch. With some polish this could easily outstrip a lot of other fics I've seen here, though that comment doesn't say as much as it should sadly.
I'd say you have a very interesting concept to run with, though it could easily prove very tricky if you decide to continue it, with so much you have to explain. After all, hollows are SUPPOSED to be purified to release the souls, though one could argue some interesting tangents to that concept once they reach menos and more importantly become arrancar... How do you purify the soul then, they all become one being. That would explain why Unohana healed Chad's opponent rather than purifying him I'd say, and bring up all kinds of interesting plot points down the line for both sides of this 'argument'.
Hell, focusing more in the character interaction that bleach is awesome for (Matsumoto already has some rather fun scenes with those fraccion before she was slaughtered), add in a dash of subtle serious plot points after the aftermath of the war and the reaction to Hitsugaya harboring the arrancar in his division (Because we all know Mayuri's going to want to get his hands on an espada, and don't get me started on her fraccion's pet Allon), and subsequently his trying to get stronger with his subordinates (Probably predominately Halibel (Screw Harribel)) for what's to come, and more importantly your subtle hints about Matsumoto needing someone to help her in this emotional time, and you have the makings of a very solid plot if you go about it right. Which is more than I can say for all but a handful of the bleach fics I've found here.
Another note of friendly advice from me: Be careful, if you continue this, to keep from characters simply blending together when talking. I only saw a little of this near the end when the fraccion started fighting, but be sure to distinguish them from one another in extended conversations. Granted they each had like one line in that tiny section, and it's pretty obvious who it was, but I've seen many a fic accidentally fall for this trap when more than two or three people are engaged in conversation at once. Also I recommend going beyond their basic traits (Ex: Matsumoto, Flirtatious, Apache and Mila Rose, Easily angered, Sun-Sun, mocks them 'mysteriously', ect...) and fleshing each of their feelings and motivations out as you progress much like you did rather well with both Hitsugaya and Halibel.
That is of course not to say cut such things out entirely, as Bleach interaction is what makes it fun, but fics, and more importantly the freaking ANIME has a tendency to take such traits so far that they make it rather annoying by overusing or over stressing said obvious traits to painful extents in countless scenes, and it easily wears on the nerves. Basically make sure to exercise moderation and use such scenes believably, and flesh out those characters you do use in addition to having such scenes involving them. I mean after all, you already stressed Halibel's remorse at the loss of so many before, and canon already stresses how much she cares about her fraccion. Go a step further and show their reaction to her caring about them and such, which was already kinda shown in canon when Hitsugaya left to fight her and Apache yelled after him. Show more depth to the characters, believably and hopefully without making it overly emoy or sappy, and you simply can't go wrong.
Also, again if you plan to continue this, I pray that if you do decide to go the Hitsugaya/Halibel romantic route you take things slowly and progress it steadily, as beyond that one fight there isn't much there to base solid affections on. Rushing romances is sadly one of the few consistent traits to be found in a fic, particularly with characters with minimal to barely any previously established contact with each other, and I'd hate to see such an interesting and of shockingly good quality premise in this fandom fall to that trap too.
I'd also say showing multiple affections from other plausible characters in this scenario to heighten tension and keep the reader guessing as the story progresses might be wise, particularly with what you already have going with Matsumoto might also be wise, but that would be my bias talking there, and I love fics with multiple plausible romantic interests for characters, usually the ones that are left rather open by the end so the reader can be satisfied by thinking up his own conclusion. Then again, that's just my bias when it comes to such fics. :P
(Though in turn I hate harems when they inevitably end up with all of them with little excuse and everybody magically ends up happy... I'd frankly prefer him to just end up with one and the others being heartbroken rather than that. Ambiguous endings where the pairing is left open, however, FTW!)
Anyway sorry if I sound a bit presumptuous with this, and note most of this by and large is really just my own cynical opinion after all the fics I've been seeing on this site. It's just been a while since I've seen such an intriguing and frankly very promising story that goes away from canon actually written with some honest to god skill, especially in Bleach, that I just couldn't stop typing (Cutting the limit close to be honest... less than 30 characters left). Hell, just looking at your interests, you pretty much mirror all my favs as is, though I tend not to judge a story based on who ends up together, rather how believably it happens. It's only natural that I couldn't just let something like this slip away without at least saying something.
If you do plan to continue this, I hope you can really make the potential this story has shine as much as this first chapter did. I haven't been this interested in a concept for a fic like this in a while, and while your writing isn't flawless, but your portrayals of the characters and the concepts flowed easily from your writing to the point where I could actually read the whole thing for the first time in a while (Since 'It Takes Time' at least now that I think about it). Hats off to you, and hope you continue the good work. ;D
| That Crazy Guy 7/4/09 . chapter 1
WOW Hitsugaya having Halibel and her Fracion added to his squad, I get the feeling things are going to get a little explosive, interesting start can't wait to see what you do with this story.