aw that was nice i hated about half the sex bbrae stoies i read because it wasn't romantic it was just... detail like they enjoy writing about sex. those type of stories bother me but any way liked it keep writing.

I have to disagree with the other reviewers. I think less is more, and this was a nice short story as a follow up. It didn't have to be long, and though it had little detail, that just makes the reader have to use more of their imagination. Hello that's what the websites' slogan is. Unleash you imagination! The story was great and the one before was even better! Keep writing! Peace ;)

Could have been better. Try reading a novel for reference.

First off it isn't bad. you had a good idea and a good start. Remember though the saying less is more doesn't work for stories all the time. I would have liked it if it was a bit longer. also The shifting first person talking is hard to follow, you have a lot of room to write so you may want to split it up a little and think about either using one first person veiw or writing in the complete third person just to make it more reader friendly. keep it up, you will only get better.

In my opinion it is a nice little story for a 10 year old. I admit I laughed at some parts but mostly was disappointed at the lack of background. Like what jappened between the two and how did it happen I would surely hope that your next story will be longer and more detailed next time and I hope you try going to writing school before your next story.

you make these things too dang short. but it was good, well not too good but it wasnt horrible.