i liked this chapter it's funny. too short tho.

nice chapter. i'm not sure when this is how it fits into the kh timeline but it's good. i like the thoughts and all.

Interesting story so far :) And it's very well written...

Mute? But... he talked last chapter. Is he tricking them?

Yen Sid's in here, good. He normally gets left out of stories. And I like his role, by the way.

Is alkaline like a drink? I always thought it was battery acid...

I wonder what she was trying to ask him... Or was that just a comedy thing?

Hm... I wonder if the chapter titles are gonna form a sentence...

That trashes my reputation? But reviewing and talking are good things. And I have fun.

I like the descriptions of the girls.

Voicé, cute name.

In the seventh sentence, there should be a space instead of a hyphen between 'one-with'.

Hmm, it was okay for the prelude and author's notes, but I don't think the text should switch between left and centered during the actual story.

'With the green curtains tied shut-Effectively ruining the point of a window; to be able to watch the sunrise would require a lack of inertia.' should be 'With the green curtains tied shut—effectively ruining the point of a window—to be able to watch the sunrise would require a lack of inertia.' Or the dashes could be two hyphens ('shut--effectively') or commas.

I like that you acknowledge the other definition of inertia, it normally gets left out.

(Pretend this one has the appropriate italics, I can't put those in reviews.) "‘It is…’ He thought grimly. ‘Annoying.'" should be "‘It is…’ he thought grimly, ‘annoying.’"

Why do I get the feeling you're used to writing manga? I don't know, this seems to be written in a manga style.

'His eyes flickered around, just because it took a train wreck at one time to rouse the other person. Did not mean he was willing to take a chance with his roomy waking up at…' should be 'His eyes flickered around. Just because it took a train wreck at one time to rouse the other person, did not mean he was willing to take a chance with his roomy waking up at…'

The hyphen in 'rudely-he hoped' should be either two hyphens or a dash. Or a semicolon might work too, not sure.

The part with 'bedroom-its hinges squeaked… no screeched, loudly. - making' should be organized a bit better I think (and then there's that hyphen/dash thing again), but I'm not sure what specific example to use.

By the way, that was a funny paragraph.

I am curious about the tunnel.

'Axel red'... that's funny too.

Nice reference, turning the movie into a world.

I like this so far, it's got a nice air to it, and there's hintings to AkuRoku. Humor's not bad. Format's a little odd, but that's really not buggy to me. Some intellegence, foreshadowing (hopefully much more of the latter next chapter, I love it), and... well, I'm not judging the storyline yet 'cause I don't know much of it.

Question though... Does Roxas have a hangover?

No chance at all?
Toobad...I really like it

i love the idea for the thing. the style confuses me a little... I'm not sure how to read it down in columns or like normal it's cool either way but just makes it hard for the reader.

Like, literally zero or just low? 'Cause zero means absolutely no chance, and it should be listed as completed. Who's Jim Butcher?
Neat format. Normally I'm not all for the format changes, but I think it suits the prologue well.
The italics and bold print do a nice job of showing the intensifying feelings.
I'm interested to see what's going to happen.
Hm... I know it was used for suspense, but the last sentence seems out of place to me. 'Course I don't know what happens next, I can't judge.