Loved it. The characters were perfect and the ending that tied it into a bigger story... that's what a one shot is supposed to be.

Now that was a good stab at slash and a great tie-in with cannon. Beautiful job on this piece. I tried to read it on LJ, but the letters were too small for me to make out easily.

Really, this is your first real attempt at slash? Great job. I will be reccing this fic to others who are inclined to be fans of James and Sirius.

So, not going to lie, this is pretty epic. I'm not an enormous fan of slash, but this is one of those that actually makes sense and treats the characters with respect. I'm impressed that you can jump totally out of your comfort zone and still produce something of this quality.

Linking this all to why Lily and James didn't choose Remus as Secret-Keeper, by the way, was a pretty clever and touching ending. It would definitely explain the apparent rift between Remus and Sirius. :3

Oh, wow. That was funny and scarily sexy. I can almost see it happening. Your arrogant Sirius is just amazingly brilliant, and I love Lily. The ending was inspired. Kudos.

You should write more Marauders ;-)

Oh. Poor Remus!

Excellent. I'm not one who likes slash much but this was great. And, ouch, that last line stung.

Lovesit!

Huh. Interesting.

Wow. Yeah, that was... yeah.

I've got no idea how much more slash your muse has in store, but YESMOREPLZ!!

The entire first part of the story, the "Norman cock" bit was inspired. I absolutely adored how there was no stopping Black, either his mouth, or his "mouth". And James was the not-so-unfortunate target.

Wonderful job with the evil prompt you were given. The banter all throughout the piece was realistic and hysterical. LOVED how you wrote Sirius' personality. This is exactly how I imagine some experimentation on James' part taking place. It actually felt... organic, you know? Like it was some part of a coming-of-age thing that James did. It happened once, and then never again.

But the chemistry here between the Marauders (er... don't think I saw Peter) was delish. And it all felt very teenager-y for their ages.

Just, well done! And the smutty stuff? You did such a great job. Build up, a little fun here and there, and then leaving some up to the reader's imagination. Great work! Plus, favoriting, because I need to return to this story when I write my own slash stuff.

This was really, really good. I wasn't sure if I would read it because the idea of James slash makes my skin crawl in a non good way, but you're an awesome writer so I got over it. Sirius was so funny, the dialogue was great. I felt sorry for James, he didn't seem in control very much :)
My favourite part was the Lily/James bit, and the ending was one of the best short descriptions of what happened to the marauders I've read.

Now I just have to talk myself into reading the lj version.

...That was a fun, fun read...

omg wow
i have never read a better slash before
you have a real talent for coming up great story lines and plots from a mere idea given to you
keep up the great writing

First off, I find it mighty interesting that James is so distracted by his naked friend that he can't study.

You do realize I'm never going to hear someone speaking in French without inappropriate giggling now, right? All your fault.

Best line: "But I'm all alone in there. Just me and the water. Me, the water, and my big Norman cock." The image in my head - well, you can imagine. But I think it just gives me a great vision of Sirius as the ultimate tease. Because I doubt Remus could have seduced or teased James into the same situation.

Mm. So is all over Lily to reassure himself that he only likes females or because he's just so hot and bothered, she gets to benefit?

Note: fresh air and cigarette smoke do not go together.

"What in the nine Hells are you playing at? You know, the more I think about this afternoon, the more I think -"

"That you want me so bad you're aching?"

Yeah, pretty much. And the funny walk to prove it.

"Prongsie, if I'd known you were in to the kinky stuff, I'd have brought my leathers with me to your mum's place."

You do realize this means another story, right? Because Sirius and leather and James being in denial totally go together.

Okay, the ending is sad, not merely because they broke up but because of how it affected the entire group dynamic.

And even though you didn't post it here, I'm going to comment on the more graphic parts of the story: I know you've been reluctant to write sex scenes, but I have to say you did really well. Of course, the perspective I got was that James's first experience was uncomfortable and awkward and he was more waiting for Sirius to finish than enjoying the act itself. I'd love it if you'd try another scene (less graphic or not slash if you'd like) where it seems more equal enjoyment.

On that note, I did enjoy the story. Maybe more so because I know you really had to push yourself to write this.

It's about time you wrote something! And this was...brilliant. Very erotic, too, and funny. I love your line, "You're just going to leave me here, like this?" Charlie's going to have to use that line. Thanks for writing the story, I know it must have been hard for you (no irony there), you did a wonderful job. Write some more, please; slash, het, auto, ANYTHING, you are extremely talented.

I got a chuckle at the first line, but by the time Lily gave him the reason for turning him down I as sitting here laughing like an idiot. Using first person is what set it off, the tone, the ... shall I say snark... was hillarious. Well done.