|Reviews for Lyn's Hill|
| Trevor X 7/30/09 . chapter 1
FINALLY! Some Kent/Lyn happiness! So what if it included wistful wishes to go somewhere else, they are together and happy. That's all that matters, especially after reading all the angst in other stories of thine earlier today. This tale makes things a little more bearable for this poor reader!
| Fan Fan Girl 7/18/09 . chapter 1
Hey Manna! I'm almost nervous over here; this is the first time I have read - let alone attempted to review - anything in the FE section in quite some time. I wonder if I'm still in practice? Regardless, I'll try to do what I always used to, and that is give my honest opinion. I hope it helps!
...Though after looking at a few of the reviews, I'll say that most of what I wanted to comment on has already been taken. Too slow this time, it looks like. What I liked most was that the hill was that it was originally Kent's, but in giving it to Lyn it in essence became THEIRS. It's a great sign of their love, that Kent would share something so dear with Lyn. It shows real unity between the two of them.
But this has all been said before, I believe, and much more clearly. Emotionally this piece was very well-written. It was technically well-done too. But if I absolutely HAD to say something?
[She longed for home; he could see it in her eyes, in her posture, and with the way the wind teased her long hair, pushing it away from the stone walls behind them.]
I can see how her eyes and posture might show her longing for home, but how can her hair show it? It just... doesn't seem quite right to me. Sure, the wind pushing her hair away from the stone walls might be symbolic of the plain's call to her, dragging her away from Caelin, but even then I feel like you're using your little writerly camera lens to show something that is not a direct sign of her longing.
If this makes it any clearer, it would be like constructing your sentence like this: [She did an action; it was shown by this behavior of hers, this other behavior of hers, and a third party's action upon her that could be connected to her original action through certain interpretation.] I hope that makes a little more sense. Do you see? It's like you're breaking the pattern of direct signs of Lyn's longing to show something that would only make sense after a little stretch of interpretation.
Grammatically, the sentence is okay. I think. I'm just criticizing your choice of signals to show Lyn's longing. It really is just a matter of choice, though.
Other than that, I confess I don't really have anything. Very well done, Manna! I look forward to reading more from you. Actually, I EXPECT to read more from you... muahaha.
| Kitsilver 7/17/09 . chapter 1
Simple and sweetly written. Lyn and Kent sitting together on that hill, looking toward Sacae, is an image that portrays Lyn's wistfulness and longing for home as well as the bond between Lyn and Kent. I like that you don't drown us in details but the image as well as the tone come through clearly. It's soft and peaceful, like that feeling at the end of the day when the sun has set and the world seems to sigh as it readies for sleep.
This why I like short pieces. Fewer words means the writer has to give more care to the words she chooses, but the image comes through so clearly. Nicely written, Manna.
| Samuraiter 7/16/09 . chapter 1
That this is your #1 pairing, uncontested, shows in the quality of your writing, Ms. Manna. It also feels quite comfortable, if text can be comfortable; that you have spent a long time in the company of these two characters shows in how you write them. True, this is a drabble, but the whole point of a drabble is to capture the essence of the idea that is being depicted, and you do that exceedingly well here. I only have five corrections to make, but they are more stylistic suggestions than they are corrections; I will PM them to you momentarily. For now, take this bit of encouragement: You have the talent. All you need is the energy, the mojo, and I have no doubt that you will have that again before you know it.
| Sardonic Kender Smile 7/15/09 . chapter 1
Gotta admit, the summary intrigued me. So-let's read some drabble! WO! *is pumped*
Aww, Kent goes to the hill to be alone and think, too! ;_; Poor guy. He really does seem the type that would need his Alone Time-and pretty often. He even thinks about Sacae...? That's SO CUTE. In the ironic way, which I love ;).
I really like how in this one you gave Kent's reasoning as to WHY he loves her...it's 'cause she's DIFFERENT. (And Kent definitely needs some fun and difference in his life!)
By the way. Spock references are /always/ acceptable, no matter the fandom.
| Xirysa 7/14/09 . chapter 1
XD D'aw, this is cute. I like how it turns from his, to hers and then eventually theirs.
Uh... I don't really have much else to say on this, since it's a drabble. But it's short and sweet and we need more things like it, Uh, yes.
| Wyrmseeker 7/14/09 . chapter 1
Hm. Nice. This was the hill that appears at the end of Lyn's story, huh?
Not much to say, I'm afraid, since it's a drabble, but it is very nice. I think this showcases a higher, sweeter kind of love than what I've read of your other work, so I agree with you that this one is sort of special. Keep up the good work.
| Qieru 7/14/09 . chapter 1
Aw, this was such a sweet drabble. x3 It's short, but gets much across and highlights aspects of why and how they really mesh together.
I like the idea of it being his hill first, and it really does invite notice [to the game] that it's never spoken how she found the hill, only that she looks towards Sacae from there. And of course, from there, it becomes a bond in the act of sharing.
It's...peaceful and cute. And, like, Shimizu, I'm glad it put a spark in your dry spell. x3
| Shimizu Hitomi 7/13/09 . chapter 1
For a drabble, I think this is very successful! It's tightly written and gets the point across perfectly. The overall mood is lovely, and there's a rhythm to the sentences that reads really nicely. I love the opening and closing lines, for one - the fact that the hill was originally Kent's, but that he opens up that special private place - for her - and lets it become Lyn's. Though really ultimately it's *theirs*.
Anyway. Really happy that you wrote this. (Sure got you out of your writing funk. XD) It encapsulates everything I love about the pairing perfectly.
I think I'm going to start posting at both LJ and here btw, so don't be surprised when you get this twice. :P