this is for a first fic a very good one . Its very Cliche but it stand in the summery so it was not surprising .

Very well done.
I don't like the incest but the rest of this brilliant story makes up for it.
please update soon...

THIS IS NOT A REVIEW
Hello
When at the beginning of the chapter you wrote
"Harry still doesn't know that he's a parseltongue" you had to write "Harry still doesn't know that he's a parselmouth" or "Harry still doesn't know that he can speak parseltongue"

Othrwise the story is greate and I'll continue reading it 'till the end XD

My first thought when it said that Ollivander popped out of semmingly nowhere was of Prof. Oak in pokemon randomly coming into your mind to stop you using specific key items

I liked the story so far but this chapter just ruined the whole story. First, it started with some ridiculous talk with a drunk James out of nowhere and about nothing... Now, suddenly they are sitting at the table with Ron and Peter came out, then the whole action against a weakling Peter was like some pathethic attempt at the comedy. Also there was no indication of Harry's surreal fear of Voldemort and by extension Pettigrew and then the resolution of the whole action was the killing of Lily, the only decent member of the Potter family... I don't think you have thought this chapter through at all, while your Potter family is OC, it doesn't change the fact that James was an auror and Lily was an exceptionally talented witch. Since you made Voldemort come after Potters that means there is propecy in place in your story and if you take a moment to remember the prophecy, you will know that they (Lily and James) defied Voldemort thrice, do you really think Lily would meet her end at the hands of a low level death Eater?! Now that, I've expressed my thoughts, I feel better lol Though it seems a bit pointless now since it seems the story is long abandoned. Well, maybe you will take into account all the comments if you decide to re-write the story.

I don't think that Luna is as susceptible to Tom's influence as Ginny was in canon. Also, the way she acted in the story so far, you would think she has a mage sight so wouldn't she be able to see that the book is a dark object?!
Other than that, I like the story so far, keep up the good work!

this is a good premise but the reason that i think that this story is being rejected and insulted is the format.
when you put
.
.
.
you could have easily used a line break
also when you did this {_} it could have been very well replaced with *_*

i also think that its because of the unique content and occ characters. i would realize how Dumbledore can be perceived as delusive etc. and many fics show him as such, but the Lily and James part is well... you realize that they are ignorant of Harry but you are making them shallow and taking depth away from the characters with the predictable lines and actions.

P.S. i hope i dont sound like my English teacher O.0

i hope that this helps.

also, earlier in the fic u wanted to know how to make it longer? simple. elaborate more.
when you have:

$$$$"What is this?" Harry asked, looking bemusedly at the roller coasters and ferris wheels.

"This, my dear boy, is called an amusement park." I said slowly, looking at him concernedly.

"Ha, ha. I know what it is, Olive. I was merely asking what we are doing here?"$$$$

you could add:

"What is this?" Harry asked, looking bemusedly taking in the wildly colored and over exaggerated names of the roller coasters and ferris wheels.

"This, my dear boy, is called an amusement park." I said slowly, looking at him concernedly, Although Harry rarely came to places as such, I expected him to at least know what and where we were.

"Ha, ha. I know what it is, Olive. I was merely asking what we are doing here?"

I love this story, I hope James get kicked were it counts {Along with that idiot Nathan}. Though I would love to see the look on Volde's face when he heres that the youngest Potter is supposed to be the one to defeat him. Oh if I could be a fly on the wall.

My reaction to what James just did...word for word:

"Jesus! What the HELL?! JESUS FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT...HOLY...SHIT SHIT FUCK WHAT THE FUCK...JESUS HOLY JESUS FUCK FUCKITY FUCK..." (This was said as I physically recoiled from the screen).

Congratulations. Nothing I have ever read has ever evoked that kind of reaction from me.

oh plz let harry be w/ daphne!

please continue

This si good, I hope that you are going to continue this ;)r

This is a great story. I do hope you will finish it. I have always liked BWL Twin stories with Harry being the stronger twin. I do hope someone finds out what James is doing and gets Harry out of there.

I really enjoyed this story. This chapter was sad as Lily was just starting to get to know Harry better. Please update

hmmm the devide between harry and his brother seems to be growning. I have a feeling James is going to die soon and kill the last chance of any kind of understanding between the brothers with him