I'm sorry... I couldn't keep my composure 5 seconds into the chapter... XD It's just that... Oishi... Dan... Inui... Everyone... IN MONK'S ROBES! XD [sounds of crazy laughter]

Althought the language (and thought) is a bit much for me to bear, I guess it looks interesting. A point you might want to consider is that when you switch scenes, you might want to change the 'narrator'. Like in the first part was mostly from Oishi's point of view, so when you switch scenes try to start from another person's point of view? Would make it more interesting to show different points of time in the abbey(or is that just for nuns??), I think. Just commenting, and am not a genius/famous author...