This looks like a perfect fic for FictionPress, sweetie, because FictionPress takes original ideas.

Your story is mainly just dialogue which is nice and all, but where's the details to help move the story forward? Where's the meat for the sandwitch. So far you've given us a lot of lettuce.

This is my first fiction reading in the fanfiction,I like it very much,looking for the next chapter

I thing you should of explained their relationship before jumping right into it. Focus more on body language, that will make the story longer... I think it is a big decision to get together with your best friend, and I think it would of been a bit a awkward. It just goes too quick!

WOW. Your style of writing is good, but this story has a lot of flaws, sorry. First of all, if you have a best friend that's a guy, it does NOT happen like that (turning into a couple). I know, because one of my best friends is a guy. Second, no couple ever gets that couple-y in the first day! Frenching and holding hands already? No, that would never happen. And that whole vampire and I don't even know what else thing completely ruined it. My God, I sound so mean. Sorry, I really am trying to help you.

Good Luck

Emma

I totally love it! But, you've gotta update soon! We're going crazy waiting! x

well done sis it is very ur so good at writing storys

Thats really good Teneka, iam not really into all that but its quite good, you should get like an A in english!

i think this chapter is great babe, cant wiat for the rest of the book. ily x

dont worri peeps i aint forgot 2 carri on writin ive bin busy but i promise i wwill put chapter 2 on veri soon xx

I AM REALLY CONFUSED

How does this fit in the PS, i love you section?

Teneka u r such a fantastic writer cnt wait to read the rest :D keep up the good work ;D

wow that was good pleace carry on writing x

this is awesome please write more

o Ayla x