Interesting and articulate, this story. You have a solid command of writing, good pacing for the characters' dialogue, and the description of Hermione drinking the potion is especially effective. Also the lead-in, interspersed with the italicized lines.

Crits and suggestions:

It's an AU, that's fine. I'm not sure what your aim for the AU is, but I'm assuming you want to stay pretty close to the canonical characterizations, and for the most part, it works.

That said, a lot of this, the backstory, motivations, feels only like a set-up for the Hermione-Snape interaction. Firstly, Ron's relationship with Hermione seems underdeveloped (and his death and circumstances surrounding it are often hard to follow). I'm not saying you need to go into detail there, but it needs both clarification and justification (and stronger justification than he was obsessed with her).

Secondly, unless this is extremely AU, there is no way a beloved school friend, let alone a famous war hero, would be allowed to fall into such straits. She knows people other than Ron, and they care about her, deeply. Even if her pride insisted that she try to shoulder things by herself, they would notice. The line about her pawning her medal is so over the top, it came across as funny.

While I like that the story deals with a darker side to events and seeks to subvert the books in some ways, I think it needs a firmer foundation.

You're a good writer, and that's one reason I left a review. I'm sorry I went on so long about the crits, but I wanted to explain why I had that impression. It's just my take, but I hope it was helpful.

Oh, my--very well done. It sounds like Ron loved Hermione much more than she loved him--and wanted to make her love him. I'm glad that Snape was there to set her free.

Oh, I was not expecting that at all. Nicely angsty. Just enough details to make sense while keeping me wanting more. Thanks ever so.

Very nicely done. There's a lot of underlying emotion being conveyed just from the style of the story. You can really feel Hermione's despair and resignation at her situation.

Wow...just, wow

Beautifully done.

You have written a very interesting reading today. Keep smiling. :-)

Wow, that was really amazing. I really enjoyed that =)

A well written story with an interesting twist.

Please, I am a little confused. Ron made a bad love potion and dead because of it? And they blamed Hermione? How does Snape come into it?

Oh, beautifully intense. I was frozen in awe at the end. Masterfully written; kudos!

Um--I don't have the words to say how much this story moved me. I've been sitting here staring at the computer screen for fifteen minutes trying to find an appropriate set of adjectives. Just--

perfect.

Dancingkatz

This was a perfect story, except the very end: Severus should not have taken his cape and left, at least not without inviting Hermione to join him for a coffee.

Great story!

SARAH

Very well written! I don't think I've ever read a fic quite like this before. That second dose of amorentia certainly does wonders for the sinuses, doesn't it? ;-) But really, this was a lovely story. I was wondering, though, if by describing Snape's look of nausea, you were implying that his own overdose caused him to be smothered by Hermione's scent for all that time?

PS-This story brought to mind a movie called, "Perfume: The Story of a Murderer." It's about a man with such a fine sense of smell that it torments him. He apprentices with a perfume maker, and becomes obsessed with killing beautiful women so that he can extract their smells--their essences--to create the perfect perfume.