Finish the story! Has a great fun potential!

this story is really gd! keep writing!

good start. please continue

Some punctuation and grammar errors, but it's a cute idea that I can easily see happening. Everyone's in character, though Kyon's narration feels like it could use a bit more polish. You have the right idea, but the paragraphs seem abrupt rather than flowing naturally. It's partly prose and partly pacing, and something that will likely come with practice.

Good start to the story. Set's things up nicely. There were a few spelling and gramatical error, though. Anyway, looking forward to more.