good...very good so far... and FUNNY

This is going to sound mean. I just wanted to let you know first that I don't want to make you feel bad, I just want to help you write better fanfics.

I literally could not read it past the second sentence. This means I don't know anything about the story, but I know this: 1 huge paragraph, breaking tons of grammar rules and lack of organization turn me off. As a general rule, having to say "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you..." OOC is a VERY BAD THING.

Again, I sound like I'm being meaan, but really I'm just trying to help.

This is really good : } Uodate soon