 Little Tanuki 2009-08-23 . chapter 2I wonder how this will all turn out. You have an interesting beginning here. A few little tense issues, but nothing too major. eg. "Dukat looks down at Meru" With the rest in past tense, should probably be "looked".
And for Meru's labour, perhaps either -- use less "had". Or you might think about putting it in the next section somewhere, possibly as a brief, two line flash back??
As in,
"Have you thought about what to name him?"
It had taken...
Good stuff. ^_^ L.T. |