This was good. I like that you broke the speech up. It did make it easier to read.

It'd be nice if you included the crews reaction at seeing this

kawaii

CUTE!

So cute!

I like it

There was a change in the format? :O Sorry, i did not notice it (:

Too engrossed i guess... That or the story that i read was one of the newer ones (:

Aww... So cute :D Does it have a pic? Cuz i would like to see it :P( no i have no idea wats a doujinshi :X

Although using the characters every other paragraph is easier to read the way you wrote this story seemed more natural.

Aw, so cute! I like how this isn't heavily implied romance, but rather a bit quieter and sweeter. Nice job. _

Wow you really captured the little doujinshi better than I could have imagined! You also added some stuff of your own too! I like that, subtle but very sweet. This is how they act and probably what would happen between them if the situation ever arises, nice.

Sorry but I didn't even notice the change in your format, I was to engrossed in the story. xD Once again I must tell you that you're awesome. I was very very happy when I realized you had written a couple of stories, and I'm enjoying going through them all. -

Wow your an awesome writing i love them as a couple! there so cute!

I like it. They are cute but aren't very OOC.

ace and i've read one of yours before you really good at this you know * 5 stars

SO CUTE! ()

Hey! Good work on this, These two are one of my favorite pairings! -

I personally like this format. I haven't read any of your other work, but I find this style of writing tends to be easier to read and understand who's talking when. Keep up the good work and I hope to see more!