Yes, I suck, because this is so damn late. But man, there is just so much I love about this chapter. The John hurt is always good. But what really stands out for me? Is the exchange between Caleb and Dean. The way Caleb explains how it is for him to be blind...it was just brillant.

And then the gesture in the car from Sam with the coffee. It was a perfect example of the difference in the boys. Dean being frustrated, trying to understand, trying to get Caleb to believe it'll be okay...but he's all pent up inside with John missing. And then you have Sam who seems calmer...because it's his nature to be that little more level and cool. You showed that duality between them to perfection...

And that? Is exactly why I love you as a writer...cause you get them. *HUGS*

sorry it took me so long to read and review...life has been crazy lately! anyway, great chapter! i feel so bad for john, and i hope that the boys get there in time so that he doesn't have to go through any more stuff. i also feel bad for caleb too...

i can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter!

Hey hon, finally got here and read your update, better late than never! LOL
So where's the next chapter? Enquiring minds and all of that! hehe
it's looking good sweety and yet another cliffie geeze every story I open has a cliffie ... hm that reminds me ... payback is a ...
love Shell

Every chapter seems even better than the last and this chapter is no exception.

John’s predicament is getting worse and worse. Tony’s cleansing is akin to torture and John doesn’t cope well. No person would. I ache for him.

My favourite scene is again Caleb and Dean. Caleb’s reaction to his blindness and his need for Dean to understand what it’s like is painful to read. My favourite part starts out with this:

** Caleb sighed. He wanted to believe. He wanted to believe so badly that this was just temporary. “It’s dark in here, Deuce.”

When he says ‘it’s dark in here, Deuce’, I swear I almost cried. The remainder of that interaction is breathtaking in its power and emotion. You use dialogue with such precision so as to capture the reader and draw them in. Of all your writing, this scene impressed me the most. When you write like this, I easily see your work in novel format one day soon. You know characters. You know how they tick, what makes them hurt, what motivates them. It’s in you.

** “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Dean moved away from him, anger sky-rocketing and Caleb felt it like a punch.

I loved this line as well, especially the ‘and Caleb felt it like a punch.’ Now that’s true showing, not telling. Fantastic work!

The remainder of that scene wowed me! Caleb’s interpretation of his blindness is confronting. You must have walked in the shoes of someone affected like this in order to write such a powerful response. Even when he’s feeling the armrest of the SUV and then up along the headrest, he’s grounding himself through touch, taking the first step toward acclimisating himself to this new dark world. That he does this is more telling of his mental state than any words he shares. He believes this is permanent. Deep down, beyond the lashing out and the anger, he believes this is permanent.

And then we go back to John. I sense his time is running out. If next chapter really is the last, I’m hanging out for it. I’m desperate to know how you’re going to get them out of this! If I were writing this, I’d be rocking in the corner saying ‘it’s hopeless, they’re doomed! They’re all doomed!' *lol*

I trust that you have a solution in hand. I can't wait to read it!

Ah Caleb. I’ve known him for such a short time but I care for him already. This is my favourite chapter thus far. I’m going to head straight for the favourite lines, because there are lots.

** “How am I supposed to know what he said? I don’t speak mumble.”

LOL! That’s priceless!

** “Wh…” The smells, the feel of the sheets … Caleb was uncomfortable and confused. The psychic moved his arms, resting one arm across his stomach; the other flopped clumsily back to the place it had been settled in. He wasn’t restrained but it didn’t make him feel any better. His mind was heavy and held nothing but holes, big black holes. His stomach held nothing but the need to purge itself of its contents.

And I officially melt into a puddle of goo. :-)

** Caleb’s body was thrumming with need, the need to do something although he had no idea what. It was confusing as the contrasts meshed together.

Lovely! You illustrate Caleb’s inability to remember without spelling it out. This makes it so much more powerful and much more personal for the reader. Well done!

** That was the million dollar question. The answer was hidden behind those black holes but would he be able to retrieve them without getting ripped apart and sucked through them? “I uhh … s’hurts.” Thinking hurt. It wasn’t just a saying anymore, it wasn’t just a smartass remark from a certain teenage friend … it really did fucking hurt.

Again, wonderful imagery and I appreciate Caleb’s anger and frustration at realizing that the he can’t remember and trying to makes his pain worse.

** At Bobby’s warning, Caleb caved. Lying wasn’t going to help him because they wouldn’t believe him anyway. “Eleven,” he croaked.

I got little happy shivers here. Yes, I know that’s wrong, but c’mon, I’m not alone.

** “Dean, you want to go and make sure your brother didn’t buy the whole vending machine?” Bobby asked, sounding serious for the first time since Caleb had blasted through the pain and pressure in his head.

This is never a good sign, when people are sent out of the hospital room so the speaker can be alone with the patient. Poor Caleb.

You finish the scene well, ending on a mini cliff-hanger before flipping back to John. I’m not sure who to be more worried about, Caleb or John. Their predicaments seem equally dire.

** “I’m not the one hiding from an injured man … in the dark,” John countered, not sure which he felt the need to press his hand against the most, his ribs or his arm. There didn’t seem to be any relief anywhere. Instead he settled for wiping the sweat from his head.

Even worn down with pain, bound and at the mercy of these lunatics, he retains his smart mouth. I see now where Dean inherited it from. :-)

I like also that John’s attempt to relieve his pain ends up in him wiping at his head because there is no relief to be had, anywhere. I can imagine this and it’s a terrible, terrible thing. I feel for him here, so badly. I wish they would at least give him pain relief. Their heartlessness is frightening.

** John remembered now, upstairs before the cult had advanced on him, He’d been stuck, held by an invisible force. That had been the old dude? “You’re a psychic.”

Uh oh! This can’t be a good development.

** “You are right. Those aren’t necessary per se. I was alone for years. But now with my new family? They do the work for me. They follow my lead, they look up to me and I … I rejuvenate, my heart beats stronger, my bones less frail, my organs thrive … I live. Is it such a bad thing that I give my loyal followers something to believe in?”

There is little more frightening than a man like this who believes in his own insane superiority. He is blind to the reality that the continuation of his life is reliant upon the termination of others. Even when John points it out, he seems bored by it and taps his fingers (great mannerism, btw – very illustrative).

Cults have always fascinated me – the things that people will do in the name of belief. You’ve crafted Brown in a convincing way. Though he plays only a comparatively small appearing role, Brown is vital to the story. He is the bad guy. This chapter gives me greater hints about who he is and I wonder what must be broken inside of him for him to have no conscience about the death of innocents.

It’s frightening how much he knows about the Brotherhood, and his plans for John are sickening.

The next scene between Dean and Caleb is my favourite of the whole story thus far. Caleb reacts powerfully to his temporary disability. He’s angry, aggrieved and feels guilty about John. He feels responsible. You’ve chosen Dean as a counterpoint to that and Dean’s youth, his optimism and devotion to his family are the salve Caleb needs right now. Their conversation is beautifully written, and the small step toward absolution feels natural and right.

Dean and Sam’s reaction to what they learn from Caleb’s vision is powerfully understated. Sam observes without offering a lot of his own insight, which makes sense for his age. Your choice to show the scene this way is evidence of your increasing skill. You hit the reader even harder than if you’d laden the scene with Sam’s own terror. Dean’s physically shaken, but he schools it in for Sam. We see that through Sam, but he doesn’t interpret for us. We interpret alone. It’s stronger that way.

Well done!

Such incredible John hurt! I didn’t even have to transpose Sheppard in order to make this work for me. ;-)

John regains consciousness to pain and guilt. You craft it beautifully, neither overstating nor understating John’s awareness of it and his memories of what led up to his abduction. He feels terrible guilt about Caleb and as much as he tries to convince himself that Caleb isn’t dead, his thoughts focus there. A reader would have to have a heart of stone not to feel for him. He's not even my favourite, and yet I'm desperate for him to be rescued!

That you open this chapter with John locked in a trunk is metaphorical, I think. He’s trapped in the dark, locked in a confined space with only his thoughts, his guilt, his pain. It’s suggestive of his life, of how trapped he is and how he must fight – always fight.

The pacing of this chapter, in comparison to the last, is faster, more intense and more brutal. But this doesn’t read as pure hurt for the sake of hurt. You’ve taken your time with each scene to focus on more than just the physicality of what’s happening to him. Best of all, you’ve retained his masculinity. Even when hurt, he’s still very much a man. Kudos to you for not neutering him.

And, best of all because he’s retained his balls, I’m a fluttering, girly mess reading about what happens to him! And, sheesh, I’m not even a John fan! Well, not that John anyway. :-)

My favourite lines:

** Tony was shoved out of his field of vision only to be replaced by an older – much, much older - robed man.

I love, love, love that you retain perfect single character point of view! That makes this whole story so vibrant and real, and has what has totally won me over. Here, for instance, I feel that I’m right beside John, helpless as he is, able only to witness what happens around him. And when Tony is shoved out of the way, I shiver, knowing that whoever is going to present himself next is a far worse threat than Tony is.

** The building they were approaching looked like a farmhouse. There was nothing suspicious, nothing that screamed ‘insane cult residing within’.

Hee hee. I love that his sense of humour is still in there somewhere.

** Hurried footsteps followed the angry voice and John found himself silently begging not to be touched.

Guh! The whole paragraph gives me happy tingles.

** Tightly closing his eyes, John groaned loud and long, shuddering more. As soon as he felt Tony lean closer again, John lashed out with his good arm. His fingers were closing around the younger man’s throat before either of them registered that John had attacked at all.

Awesome action! And, even as hurt as he is, John’s still able to defend himself and exact some overdue pain on Tony. Gotta love the man. Best of all, I love that he doesn't back down, doesn't show compassion. Tony had that coming and I'm glad John dishes it out.

** His eyes stayed closed for a long time as he sort just to breathe and just held his arm close and tight against his side. It had been a while since he’d actually broken a bone and he had almost forgotten how much it hurt, how relentless the wound could throb.

This made me wince. I broke my elbow when I was nine and I still remember how it felt. *shudder*

** John lurched into the kitchen, his eyes scanning the room and landing on the pot on the stove, next to it on the red bench was a white chopping board and a large carving knife. Soon it was in his hand, his fingers flexing around it in comfort.

This is a beautiful action continuum from when he enters to the kitchen to him having the knife in his hand. Fluidly written and easily imagined. I feel his sense of confidence at getting the knife. My hopes rise with him.

Against the entire rest of the chapter, I say SO GOOD!! I printed this story and read it with a highlighter in hand so I could mark my favourite lines. There were no favourite lines from this point onwards… they were ALL favourite lines!

Tony unnerves me. It’s hard to tell whether he’s a good guy who is just painfully gullible, or whether he’s as evil as the leader is. And John is so brave yet so terribly wounded. Again, you retain his masculinity and the references to his injuries are necessary rather than over stated. Your attention to the characters and pacing make this chapter so enjoyable.

Now, what about Caleb!? *gnaws at thumb*

This chapter is a gentle introduction to what quickly becomes a kick-ass adventure with hurt, angst, action, insight and an evil, immoral and downright contemptible bad guy. Basically, all my favourite things in a fic.

Caleb is great! He's like an OC to me because I've not read any of the Brotherhood fic. He's young, strong, determined and smart. He presents as unique and independent of and from the Winchesters and I love that.

Sam is adorable. He's young and inquisitive and his behaviour is well tolerated -- 'the Runt the Magnificent' LOL! I can well imagine him like this at that age and it's comforting to imagine him surrounded by so many protectors and mentors.

The conversation flows well. The dialogue is easy and natural and though it's a quiet chapter, for the most part, it has a nice balance of plot and character. As an opening to what would become a violent, angsty, high-stake story, you did well to ease readers into it. The warm family atmosphere, gentle ribbing and Caleb's observations of his 'family' are inviting and telling. From this opening I care about him, important from my perspective as a reader who comes new to this character.

I have several favourite lines:

** Sam glanced at his father before giving his attention back to Caleb. “You’re girlfriend’s a guy?” Sam asked.

hee hee. Made me laugh.

** Caleb’s jaw clenched tightly against the irrational urge to shout in frustration. John had been steadfast against the idea since he’d received the call from the other hunter the night before. “I’m not a kid, John and I’m meeting with a damn hunter. It’s nothing…”

I love strong male characters, and Caleb’s definitely that. Here he is unafraid to challenge John, an older hunter and clearly someone he ought to show respect.

** Caleb followed John’s line of sight. Dean sat at Jim’s kitchen table like the solution to the problem should be obvious. Green eyes too big for the kid’s face stared back at John and Caleb unflinchingly.

This is beautiful character description, especially the middle sentence. It works fantastically to show the look on Dean’s face. That right there says much about Dean’s character and his reaction to what’s going on around him.

** Caleb groaned and gripped the back of the empty chair in front of him, leaning forward with his head down. He had the sudden desire to smash his own head against the hard wood of the table … or John’s.

Ohmygosh, I love the boy! *hugs him* This is an awesome illustration of his frustration. Very well done!

** “You’re being an ass because you’re afraid of my father?”

Ouch! I thought John would recoil at that. To his credit, he doesn’t.

** Sam beamed at the praise. The kid was at a tricky age.

Caleb is observant and caring. It makes sense that he’s psychic. His observation and insight into those around him says much about his empathic nature.

** The boy had a point but was that all he saw in his future? It worried Caleb a lot. “What about baseball?”

Caleb’s conversation with Dean is telling and poignant. It’s sad to read.

** John nodded. He did know Tony’s story. It was in the job description to know these things but he didn’t know everything. “I know his story but I’m still waiting to hear how it connects to this case. What made him go against orders?”

This is a very nice opening to the telling of the back story. You’ve done this smoothly and professionally so that the reader learns about why Caleb is involved with this guy but they don’t feel they’re being told. Well done!

The remainder of the chapter melds beautifully with action, introspection and dialogue. I was on the edge of my seat throughout. Just lovely!

Caleb’s perception changes and his thoughts become choppier, angrier, his perception darker as the situation goes downhill for him. I whimpered when he went down.

The final mini-scene from John’s perspective is gold! It finishes off the chapter with a bang, and your final line is pure torment! I’m lucky I read this with three more chapters to follow otherwise I would have had to hunt you down! :-)

Now, I hope this review isn't too big to go through. *fingers crossed*

loved it Tara greatt chapter and can't wait for the next one

I was getting a mite anxious, its true. Thanks for posting - here's hoping RL cooperates and you can post again on 11/22.

Phoebe

Oh lots and lots of Hurt/John. You know I think this has just become my new fetish. Bring it on.

John in peril is a great idea! Keep up the good work!

Tidia

Great chapter, sweetie! I know which parts Debbie enjoyed too much. :D Evil person that she is. Hehe

I love poor Caleb's upset about the whole thing and Dean's 'I told you so' speech. Awesome touch!

Can't wait for the next chapter. :)

wow. very intense chapter. You're getting incredibly good at putting me on edge with your story. I obviously know that John'll be saved at the end, but I can't help but worry anyway. Hope that Caleb gets his visions back... and I hope that you might throw in more Mac and Caleb father/son moments. Pretty please?

Hm lets see?

Naked, wet, hurt, angry and in pain John? Your damn well right i had some imagery going on lol * drools* What more could a girl want.

Okay back to the chapter lol. You always write Dean and Caleb together so well its sometimes hard to distinguish between yours and Ridleys Dean and Caleb. Then Sam handing Caleb the coffee set it off so nicely and was so cute lol.

Let me at Tony and the rest of them gr lol

Love this story, but then you already know that lol

Mum 0x0

It's funny (in a sad sort of way) that Caleb and Dean, who would both do anything for those they love, find it so hard to take help when other offer it back. Strong, prideful characters.

Thanks for the update and, yeah, the real world, can be a time consuming thing. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Anne