Hmm...a few too many errors in this chapter D= I still like the direction of plot and stuff, but I don't feel that you fleshed this chapter out enough. There was a lot you could have expanded on - flashbacks are excellent tools for emotional turmoil, especially since they flesh out your character as well - and I feel you could have really done better with this chapter's grammar and spelling. Most of the errors are avoidable, and imply a rushed job.

Just work on that stuff (don't limit to flashbacks; use other tools as well), and this will go REALLY far =D

~Jon

Great job on how you had Tom explained about her troubled past.

good story keep it going

This version is much better nice twist with the voices

Ah, MUCH better than the other one. I must say, I am impressed with the re-write. Much better than I anticipated, and I can't wait to read more.

Now, on to the pairing. Just because of the direction your fic has been taking, I would suggest one of two things.

The first is a Throttle/OC pairing. Generally, I'm against these, but you've already started down such a path with the way he's been acting (pretty IC too; congrats!).

The second is to make the Vinnie/OC pairing and a Throttle/Charley pairing. You've already started with a fair focus on Throttle, so it would be foolish to throw that out the window now. In addition, there's a lot of stuff to write about if you take that direction; perhaps Throttle and Tom think they have feelings for each other, but after time discover that they feel that way about other people.

I personally suggest the latter. Much more potential and substance. On the other hand, the first makes things easier and possibly more interesting. Your choice, those are just my suggestions.

impressively written. as far as i can tell perfect spelling. reminds me of some kinda horror film. 0ne of ya best.

I'm too lzy to log in, but i like this. please keep it up!

great story plez update soon...