Poor Zira...
Hey, since Loin King 2 is over what happens with Kopa? Will he finall tell his family that he is alive and well? Or will he continue to stay in the background?

Yay, the movie plot is done! Now Kopa comes back and... probably causes a lot of yelling and crying.

Word of the day: Kopafully (adv.) - appearing in a surprising or accidental manner; unintentionally

Sorry, just felt like messing with you a bit...I don't know why that typo was so funny to me, but I guess anything's funny when you're tired. Anyhoo, back to reviewing.

Your dialogue's improved a lot in terms of how natural it feels. There were still a couple rough spot, but that's to be expected, I guess. In any case, it's still a fantastic improvement. Great job.

Zira's memories at the end were also extremely well-done. The only thing I would've asked for more of is what Mufasa thought of Taka, and also a little bit more of exactly why Zira was so willing to follow Taka/Scar. I know it was implied that she fancied him a fair bit (apparently, I also turn British when I'm tired...), but just a hint more insight on her thoughts would've been nice. Taka's reaction to Ahadi's attack and Zira's final thoughts were perfect, though, especially the last few repeated lines. I love seeing/using repetition for emphasis like that, so that really stood out to me as well-done. Bravo.

Well, we've freed ourselves from the burden of canon now...now, it gets interesting. Update soon!

Nothing I havent already seen proposed before but nice presentation, Taka/Zira always makes me happy. Look forward to more.

Yay! Great job

this really isn't a choice but i would like her to drag someone over the edge with her.

Well, I finally got all the way through the story in one sitting...guess it's review time.

First off, I like the addition of the new characters to the old plot, although so far it hasn't really changed the storyline as much as I would've hoped. That being said, the subplots of Vitani's struggle with being looked down upon because of her gender and the maneless lion are done well, and I'm interested to see what happens with them (because I assume everything will start taking off once you're finished running back through the movie).

Everything is written very well with very few grammar or spelling mistakes that I can see, but the dialogue is, to be brutally honest, a little wooden at times. Okay, maybe not "wooden" as much as...not very conversational. To give you an example, you do a great job with the third-person description aspect of the story, which flows very well thanks to the more prose-like and complex language you use in it. This kind of language is perfect for the third-person perspective, but I think you'll agree with me when I say that most real people (and therefore fictional characters) usually speak a bit more naturally. I've noticed that many lines of dialogue forgo contractions and use forty words when four will do. A perfect example of this is Nyoni's line in Chapter 10: "Dying lions? I’m afraid… I do not quite comprehend what it is that you’re trying to say." To the reader, this line appears very stiff, because with the professional diction you're giving the impression that he's clearly enunciating each syllable, which generally doesn't happen in normal conversation (even if you are talking to someone superior to you). Using contractions and a few technically grammatically incorrect terms (i.e. "gonna", "sorta") makes dialogue seem much more natural and easier to imagine as real. If you'd like to keep that line, I'd suggest replacing "do not" with "don't" and "comprehend" with "understand" or another synonym that appears more in conversation. Or you could simply have him say "What are you talking about?" and still preserve the meaning of the line.

Overall, this is an excellent story so far with really just the one snafu I mentioned above. One of the most helpful writing tips I've learned since joining the site is to repeat or act out your dialogue as you're writing it (provided, of course, that it doesn't draw any awkward stares from those surrounding you :-P). If you can't imagine yourself or anyone else saying it or if it just doesn't seem to flow right, try to rework it so that it does. Other than that, great job and I hope to see the next chapter soon!

I'd say go for the deleted version. Not only was Zira at her creepiest in that scene, but that "No...Never!" is one of the few lines Disney has ever produced that chilled me to my bones. Not to mention they had "To Die For" playing during that scene!

Yay! A new chapter. It was great to finaly see kopa again. But one thing that u could use was to have kopa stop the fighting. That would be awsome. Or at least have him view the battle from a distance. And I see u have marked the scene change as well! Good. So keep up the good work and update as fast as u can plz. The cliffies are killing me.

Katsuga out

Okay, I never meant to review again-repetition isn't really my style unless it's done for theatrical properties-but I had to after that amazing rendition. I really enjoyed this chapter, perhaps even to the exclusion of all others. It was with no doubt, a perfectly inspired piece of literature. One may think that I am being overly pretentious, and perhaps I am, although I do not think so. This story just has that affect on me. No, YOUR story just has that affect on me. You are quite obviously a being of great talent and I want you to know that while I don't often criticize, I also don't bandy about my praise in a negligent manner. I look forward to continuing this engaging read and, if you can find the time, it would be appreciated if you could read and review my own story of Kopa, although I realize without hesitation that yours is much more creative.

I haven't reviewed in so long, I almost forgot the basic outline of the story. But I remember now. :)
First thing that caught my attention was your use of omniscience. I liked it. I enjoyed it. You transition your characters so well I barely noticed it.
Also, the reflection thing was an awesome touch. It really added a sense of tradition and, while I'm on that topic, so did Scar's conversation with Zira nearing the end of the chapter. Very admirable job.
In accordance with your author's note at the end of this chapter, I really didn't mind how you incorporated the second Lion King movie in your story; I rather like it. It too went quite smoothly with the rest of your story.
You have given me much to think about. I look forward to seeing which turn your story takes next. I sense a cross road...

Yay update!! No kopa tough ( sad face :( ) anyway... Great chapter that went like canon... Almost. Got a suprise about the rafiki taking an aprentice. Well well, keep up the good work and update soon :)

Yay! You updated! I can't wait til you update Friday! I shall be on the look out.

Great story so far. Although I didn't know anything about Kopa until about three years ago, whatever happened that caused him not to be in "Simba's Pride" has always interested me as well ever since I first heard about him. The way you've done this story so far is pretty interesting, and I like the fact that your villian has both cheetahs and hyenas in his "pride" as well as lions (makes Kuumua seem like Scar with his whole "new union in which lion and hyena will stand together" speel).

Why do I think there's going to be a repeat of the scene in the first movie between Simba and Rafiki between Kopa and the mandrill coming up soon with Rafiki's bit towards the end of this chapter?

Great job on the chapter. I am glad that you are feeling better update soon please