The summary is excellent and your plot seems pretty good, but it feels like you are trying to stuff too much information into the first chapter and trying to do too many crossovers at once. If you space out the first few paragraphs like the subsequent dialogue is spaced out, it will read much better. Character identification in dialogue is another thing you can work on; you have conversations written out where it is easy for your readers to lose track of who is saying which part. Your punctuation is not too bad, but could be better. I hope you take what I've written here as the constructive criticism it is intended to be, and continue writing, because I think this story has great potential!

WOW I LIKE IT

pretty good. need to work on puntuation, though. update soon