Oh, man is this sad. But it completely fits. I prefer to think of Jack as someone who does care about his kids, but I don't see it a lot in the fanfics

Awww, Sad ending, A peak in Jack's life.

amazing

I loved Frank's version of Heaven. It's gonna be morphed into a really big place when the Face of Boe arrives, don't you think?

Pass the tissues.

Keep writing!

Oh, heartbreaking and brilliant.

3

I like how you taught me a new phrase. I'd never heard of Bechdel test before. This put me in a favourable mood for the story.

I like the story too. I like how it tells a very long story in short little scenes about how an immortal in the family affects those that aren't. Nicely done.

I also like that the story is in present tense and manages to keep the tenses straight. Though it felt a bit awkward in the beginning when the story started with a narrative summary, it works out overall. I'd like to use this story as an example to slap people about the ears with when they say you can't write a present tense story in English. I think you (general you) can, and you (specific you) did a wonderful job here.

The only thing that threw me a bit was the interlude. First, because it was actually announced. What was that about? You're drawing attention away from the story and made me aware it had a writer.

Second, it was awkward because it's the only part of the story that wasn't in Frank's POV. It's not uninteresting, but it clashes a bit with the rest of the story. Plus, it put me on the wrong foot about when the rest of the story (after the interlude) was taking place. See, I was expecting that the interlude would be followed by another scene with Frank and Jack that took place shortly after, but there wasn't. The next scene between Jack and Frank was another year or two later.

Though this is a short story and there's generally no reason to divide a short story into chapters, I wonder if this story could be cut into three parts where the interlude is given its own chapter. Although that could also make the interlude even more out of place with the rest of the story.