I have to say that you started off really good with this chapter, it was starting off silent hill style, no horror, no danger, and then suddenly reality starts to bend. I enjoy how you incorporated a death into Mary's life, all silent hill games invovle at least at some point the main character killing someone close to them. I did see one spelling error thought, "And just like that, he eyes closed...", it should be 'her' instead, butr nonetheless it is a good start, especially when you put her first silent hill experience into the first chapter. Keep up the good work!