brilliant Lizzy well done! I can't wait until you finish this!
LOL
Scarlett
x

Really good!
Kalina seems like an awesome character so far. :)

That was really good, though lacking a little detail of the actual suicide attempt. i loved the way kalina is rather similar to trusy , though still a really individual character!

thats really good you should add more

OK, I haven't played this game, so I can't tell you whether the characters are well portrayed or anything, but Magyk13 put me up to this so here goes...

The other reviewers are right about the interesting idea, but the writing does need improving. There are some big grammar errors and some typos lurking around in there. However, the characters' personalities are shown well which can be a hard thing to pull off, and which fanfiction writers (and games themselves) sometimes forget.

Also, are they German or English and why does Kalina keep switching between languages? If she can speak both languages fluently, as she obviously does, wouldn't she just speak the one the other characters speak, rather than inserting random bits of both? (As I said I haven't played the game, I don't even know if she's a game character or an original character. Maybe they speak like that in the game, I really have no idea.) Finally it does seem to be just speech. The opening paragraph is good but the rest needs to be a little more descriptive.

=) Keep writing. Practise makes perfect.

-H., a friend of Magyk13 who really needs to remember her password...

Very interesting and creative. I loved your idea but i think you need to explain whats going on in that moment more. Apart from that It was great!

It's interesting but just that. There are a few spacing and period placement errors which I recommend you get a beta to help you correct. Plus at one point you put down we'll when it should have been well.

The premise with Apollo and Trucy playing the role of saviors was nice to read. I just want to know one thing. When Kalina was ready to jump and saying there's no reason to live was she saying that or typing that on her laptop?