Not bad. I thought you did a good job on the message and getting into Susan's thoughts. Some of the information you had toward the end it seemed you were repeating. Also, one typo I spotted. "mom" should be capitalized in the first paragraph.

Keep on writing.

Nice job. It was nice seeing Susan's perspective of the event. I thought she probably regretted saying "get away from him" as soon as Shawn walked out the door. Poor Susan; it would be hard to lose him a second time.

I liked getting Danny's perspective too.