When I read the first part, it seemed like a parody of what happened to Capella in 07 Ghost. Is that what it was based off of? If not, could you set me straight? Thanks!

Have An Awesome Day And A HAPPY NEW YEAR!! ^_^
~CrimsonLaurana

Wah! You call this a failure?! I was getting drawn into it. But, your not feeling good? :( Be okay!

Any improvements that I can see would be to watch out for past and present tense. Also, when your in a scene and you've already explained it, don't repeat it in the next sentence. For example, if Dark is soaring through the sky then the word "Sky" doesn't need to be repeated soon. Um.. just little things like that, no big deal really. I mean, jeez your doing spectacular since English isn't your natural language. It is mine and I still get it wrong sometimes.

But, do get better. I don't know you personally, but I have read a piece of you and I do want you to get better. I've been sick for the last two weeks and even got fired from my job because of it. So, yeah, being sick sucks. Best wishes! Juice and rest are a must! Later!

that was good, sorry for not reviewing earlier the internet was acting funny with me but i still read the chapters though which are good. nice twist with Argentine. keep up the good work! update soon! ^W^

Wiz reuniting was so sweet! I love how you did that. Hmm. what's going to happen next chapter I wonder. You scared me though when you first brought Argentine in. Didn't know who he was. Hope the girls find Sean soon!

Good chapter. But, darn.. you left on a cliffy. Who's the guy that wants revenge?

So Daisuke's of the past, huh? :( Krad was smart to run away after Dark beat him so well. :) Nice chapter! Guess Dark's going to like his new tamer.

I luvs Krad-chan and his feisty attitude!

nicely done i wonder what happened to Krad and his tamer. this is good keep up the good work! update soon ^w^

-I have returned for another extremely... Erm... WORDY review! xD
Huzzah! The updates continue! Woo! ^.^

Ahem...

So turning back to the rewrite of chapter two...

BLOODY BRILLIANT! XD

The difference between this and the rewrite is amazing! The chapter doesn't make me have to look back and reread to notice everything that's going on. (THAT is most definitely an improvement), the scene is so clear cut now it's amazing!

And also may I note that the characters are much more refined them! (Just don't pick up on my wordiness, m'kay? XD)

But alas! I spot error... *Sigh*

I noticed chapter two and three say Sean's age is different! Is he 6 or 7? Or 8 maybe? (..I haven't been paying much attention... hehe... ^^'')

I thank you as well for crediting me... I be-ith honored.*Bows* ^_^
And as my muses in replace of me return Kudos to you, we move unto review the ACTUAL chapter...

Chapter 3:

Enter- The Homicidal blonde, AKA: Kraddie Kins. (XD)
Kudos to the update! Very nice. ^^

Now unfortunately... I have some issues with this one... *Sweatdrops*

Well to start with the beginning scene...

Erm…

-You lost me there. -_-''

..I mean- I can see part of what’s happening, but it’s like looking through a backwards telescope… [Whatever that means… (XD)]

-
The beginning of the scene is fairly interesting in itself, but the latter part confuses me, as I quote:
“Damn you Mousy…” He cursed, sweating a lot and not having the ability to keep breathing stable. “First you go stealing the artworks, then you go sealing us away and now I’m stuck in the body of a mere child… this isn’t good at all” he then stood up again and no longer after that what remains was a 12-year old boy who immediately made a run from the place, which is apparently a pub in downtown area. And instead of his dark umber-colored hair, his eyes were a striking gold.
-

The beginning as ‘He cursed, sweating a lot (Well first of all that’s an error alone… )(Correction: Allot) (Though preferably ‘sweating profusely, and having difficulties keeping his breathing stable.) and not having the ability(Lacking) to keep (HIS) breathing stable.’

–Well actually I was going to comment that there weren’t many errors… Hahah… Gomen…
Moreover, the line “-This isn’t good at all,” Seems un-Kradish. Something more along the lines of sarcasm seems to fit the blonde well. Or perhaps he was using sarcasm?

…Well in that case that line is beyond okay… *hits self for acting moronic* *Shrugs*

Well okay, the main issue anyway was the lines AFTER those. (Wow, I’m a terrible Critic... *Sighs*) The last scene is confusing- (well not so much after I’ve reread it about four times… But yeah...)

After the boy runs from the area which is apparently a pub, as you stated there should be a paragraph break there. As I see it, either you’re trying to say that DURING the time that he’s running his eyes turn gold, or that AFTER the child runs from the area and pauses out of nowhere he says this. It wasn’t made clear, so I’m not positive on the visualization. I suggest augmentation on the events after the child runs from the scene. (And maybe some descriptions…)

(-NOW, as I comment about the writing AFTER the title… Hahah…)

Okay... *Looks over the chapter once again*

Quoting- “Great job riding” (Driving.)

(... attempt at finding any excessive errors; Fail. But much better than last time! :p)

So now I end my critic review only to praise and worship the plot itself (I mean stories like these are rare in themselves, ones that aren’t completely terrible- Extremely rare!

I can’t wait for the next chapter! Kudos, lots of love- and of course, cookies from mwah!

(I'm just hoping I didn't kill off any self esteem this time.. Gomen! ^^)

Ja Ne! =D

~Naito No Megami

and they finally clash. well done! keep up the good work! update soon ^w^

Hmm. Interesting. What happens next?

-blinks blinks-

Kraadie-pon shows up!

cool...

Alright, I'm loving the crows! They are symbolizing all those poor kids that died, right? The graveyard bird.. cool!

I personally think your doing fantastic with Dark. (Frying pan was ouchie!) The only thing I see that could use a touch of attention would be ... not sure how to explain it. I'm not an English major... Um.. Example would be the words don't and doesn't. Make sure you know when to use which form.

I'm still trying to put together what's going on in your story. It's new and so exciting! And, go Dark! Kick those idiots butts! I love the darkness veil he used.

so far so good keep it up! update soon! ^w^