Oh. That packed a punch. Very well done.

aw, another fic that amazed me. O_O;;
you're so cool. nice fic, good description and nice flowing, in my opinion.

thanks for the read. :)

This fic is beautiful! I adore the way it's written, and it reminds me why Akihiko's one of my favorite characters. It's short, but extremely intense, and quite heartbreaking, really. Wonderful job...I'm going back to read it again :D.

Interesting - and for such a chaotic piece, it's quite unified (if I'm reading it right, which isn't a given). I like how you string the threes of them together: Akihiko, Shinjiro; Mitsuru; Akihiko, Shinjiro, Miki; Shinjiro, Miki, Mrs. Amada.

The slipstream style works very well here, helped by a few signposts so the reader can figure out how it works together - the orphanage, the ring, the Dark Hour - but it all runs together, like a fever dream.

Crits:

I'm torn on this, so it's not exactly a crit, but I'm not sure the couplet at the opening is necessary. But then, it does clearly state a theme, so it's your call.

"don't have time for this you yell"... I like how normal grammar rules fall away in this, but I still recommend putting a comma between "this" and "you". You use commas elsewhere, so this feels like an oversight.

end crit

Great stuff, thoughtful, succinct, and a ton of momentum.