If I could favorite this a million times I would! It's a fabulous story. Although I can't help but feel sorry for Joremn because he loves Eyveniel and it seems she's confused between Coranth and Joremn and is leaning towards Coranth...

Poeticmaiden, this story is amazing. Honestly, the idea is so original it is breathtaking! Your characters are engaging and the story (by nature of its subject, I suppose) has an epic, sweeping feel to it that makes it a great and memorable read.

Your tie to the Truth is inspirational as well. (Have you read any of C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy? The cosmic setting in your story reminds me of it - but only just. Your idea is still incredibly unique!)

Thank you for a worthwhile read!

Peace in Him,
SweetSeptemberStorm

Absolutely gorgeous. The characters both act and are described so vividly--they each have a distinct voice when narrating. Beautiful work--I hope that you find some time during Novel November to work on this.
May the muse be with you,
PP

I am sorry Poette, but I am getting really behind in my reviews so I am only going to give you a short one this time, while I feed the baby.
It is not surprising she loves him when you see them together. What energy radiates from him! What an honour to have his affection and attention all to oneself! How manly he appears! As the moon serves as a mirror to the sun, so the guardian of the moon reflects the glory of the sun prince in her adoration!
My only criticism is that he didn't come across this intensely when he was talking to Joremn. Perhaps that chapter might need to be re-written at a later date to give it some of the brilliance of this one. (I mean 'brilliance' as a character trait, not to imply a deficiency in your writing skill there *smile*)
Love from Eva
(burp from Moana: means times up!)

Coranth is such a gentleman. The way you described him was wonderful, full of might and energy - like the object of his task.

I noticed two run-on sentences. 1) "The jovial voice"... should probably end at, "command," then "It was a voice..." 2)"Having said this, he..." could use a semicolon before "and which had no real purpose(comma)save to..."

"What hidden emotion, there and then quickly buried again?" What emotion, indeed! Does he perceive her love for him, or does he attribute the words, "you have been like family to me" as a hint that she considers him family due what he thinks is her growing love for Joremn? Oh! I want to know! :D

“The moon grapes have ripened and been pressed into wine, and the silver apples are finer than they've been for many a year." Delicious! I just gobble up your picturesque lines. - M.T.

There is a noticeable difference in how you wrote each of these first three chapters. It is really clever how each one portrays his/her character in not only what they say, but how they say it, and what they don't say too.
In the last Chapter Coranth came across as ever so slightly patronising, but genuinely loyal and fond of his friend. He was obviously one who feels rather detached from the feelings of his friends and yet sees himself as a kind of guardian/protector of the other princes, princesses and the humans too. I am not referring to any particular statements he made, it is just an over all impression.
The first chapter, where Joremn was 'speaking' was very humble in tone. Graciousness and respect permeated his speech, but also his thoughts. It was not grovelling or done in a way that demeaned himself, and yet it was dignified. Even when Coranth was recording Joremn's responses to his gentle teasing in the second chapter, that same dignified modesty came through despite his blushes.
In this one by contrast, we see a very naive, self-conscious and girly sort of voice. She is completely oblivious to his reactions to her and her words. (except as it related to him forgetting the choreography...*smiles* "he continued twirling me absent-mindedly as he spoke." *wonders if she got very dizzy!*)I am kind of glad for that. It excuses her completely from any hurt she may inadvertently be causing, or about to cause him.
I see your wisdom in sharing the narrative between the three of them. It really helps us to get behind their words and see the priorities and emotions which drive them to relate to eachother the way they do.

So we see a bit more of the fighting against the Prince of Corruption here... *is intrigued* I wonder if Eyveniel's family perished in past confrontations with him. I guess I assumed that the Princes were relatively immortal, but here we see that they are in real danger. I wonder what would happen to the principality they belong to if they were killed or seriously harmed. I do hope you are able to give us an example soon of the kind of escapades they get up to. The way you worded it made it seem as if Coranth initiated the last foray into the Prince of Corruption's territory. So they cannot just be acting defensively, but fighting pro-actively at times.

I really like the concern Eyveniel shows, not just for Coranth, but for her new friend too. She is completely oblivious as to how her concern effected him:
"We swayed together for a few minutes, him gazing into my face and thinking some far-off thought"
I am sure if we had been hearing this scene from his perspective it would have been quite different! HE certainly would not be able to say "the rest of the night passed as merrily as it had before." I am almost certain he would be very hard pressed to remember much about the dancing for the rest of the night...would have a lot on his mind...
Poor Joremn.
Thank-you for another lovely chapter!

Love from Eva

I was intrigued as to her insinuation as to why Coranth visits her. Coranth himself doesn't actually love her, but she seems to think he does! Hm! I can't wait for the next chapter!

I like Coranth- his name, too. It seems appropriate for the sun prince for some reason. I kinda thought he'd be a little more taken back that Joremn was in love with his sister, but I guess Coranth is pretty laid-back. Really lovely chapter, moving on to chapter three!

While I read this chapter, I kept hoping for the dream-like lines to describe Eyveniel. But, of course, *she* wouldn't describe herself that way. She would take those attributes of herself for granted.

So, Joremn and she have been meeting more frequently. She seems completely oblivious to his love for her. "What was I to him, besides a friend and a dancing partner?" Ah, much more, naive little moon princess.

She seems infatuated with Coranth. I get the impression from their occasional meetings that she doesn't really know all that much about him. ?

Oh, I hope the next chapter will be Coranth and Eyveniel's meeting. Hm... Will you follow the pattern, as far as perspectives are concerned? Please keep writing! - M.T.

This chapter brought so much allegorical depth to the story.

It really made me consider the earth. I don't mean as something to glorify and worship, but have gratitude for its purpose. It comes naturally to consider the need for the sun and moon, while taking this terra firma, on which I stand and gaze upward, for granted.

I think Coranth's trying to be a good soul brother, but it sounds like he's setting himself up to fall in love. "Love. A curious emotion, I find it. I myself am not inclined to it,... and not actively desiring a female companion..." Are those famous last words? :D

So, whose point of view shall we read from next, I wonder. Please keep writing! - M.T.

How gorgeous! (your writing, as well as the scene you depicted) I *felt* the motions of this moon princess. And Joremn is so delightful. If I were to give an example of the word "cherish," I'd probably use his thoughts for Eyveniel.

There are so many lines I'd choose as a favorite if I found them scattered among less skilled prose; but you've brought the talent bar up a notch, imo. Though it seems almost cruel to have one stand above the rest, I'd still pick, "...her moon-eyes sparkling with their white fire." What a pristine beauty to visualize!

Thank you for sharing this. - M.T.

*gasp!* Oh Poette! You have put God in it!

“And who are the creations that the One and Only gave Himself for? That He loves completely?”

How amazingly lovely!

I love Joremn even more in this chapter. He is right to feel shame and inferiority even though it is the
Prince of Corruption and the humans who have led to the problems in his realm:
"For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by it's own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from it's bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."
Romans 8:20,21
There are alot of tragedies and cruelties in nature as a result fo the fall which are not so evident in the other 'realms'. I was intrigued by Coranth's comment:

'...I need you by my side to help me fight the Prince of Corruption.”

It made me wonder a bit about the nature of the fight he alludes to. Could he be referring to the properties sunlight has of sterilising things which have been infested with harmful bacteria or mould spores? Or is it possible the sun prince is referring to the time, yet future, when the world will be destroyed with fire? Maybe it is an allusion to the fact that many crime takes place secretly under the cover of the darkness, and it is a common idiom that such deeds will be "revealed by the light of day" meaning brought to justice...

I am very eager to read more and see if my theories are on target or not! *determines not to nag for updates... with a huge effort*

I love the bit where "his hand on the ground caused a huge stately oak tree to grow out of the spot in moments..." and Coranth noticed he stopped himself from offering him a tree too! *smiles* that was so sweet. I wish I could grow an oak that fast, our swing branch was broken off one of our 100 year old (?)Elms last month by a tree our neighbour felled, and there are no more horizontal branches suitable to replace it with. *is sad*

Coranth's reaction is interesting. If I didn't know better I would wonder if he was trying to set up his friend with Eyveniel... I guess I don't really know better. Seraph's prompt did not specify how the Prince of the sun was placed with all of this 'lovers triangle' stuff...

I am making all my exclamations of delight out loud in the hope of compelling Elki into finishing her story for Amita, so she can read yours *jiggles the carrot a little to make it look more appetising to the donkey*
It is a bit mean of me I know, especially as she has been working on it, but she is very inclined to get distracted. You must help me to keep her on task... *shamelessly resorts to using her daughter's friends against her, a technique which she has tried with Almond... to no avail...*

Oh wow!
I feel like I have just been to a ballet! How intensely and beautifully you write. Joremn is a thoroughly admirable hero.
Was this intentional?
"I suppose it was foolish and selfish of me to watch her in the first place..." beginning of paragraph 3
"I am not such a selfish fool" end of paragraph 4
I like the contradiction, it shows his confusion and indecision as he argues himself about whether he should watch Eyveniel in secret or declare himself. I don't know if it is necessary or not but perhaps if he emphasised the 'such' in "I am not 'such' a selfish fool." it would show that he is aware that he is not succeeding in acquitting himself of the charge. *smiles sympathetically*
I love your description of their dance. The choreography of it reminds me of the dancing in the Romeo and Juliet movie (1968 version). Very formal and detatched but beautiful none the less. Yet their laughter and joy adds an element of intimacy which was never there in the R&J film, perhaps it is more like Elvish dancing (Tolkienesque).
I really like your description of their attire too. Elki thinks my internet persona is obsessed with costumes, but I think it says so much about a person's character and helps a reader visualise the scene so much better. You did not waste time describing the location except to mention that it was a forest clearing but the two 'keepers' are really important fantasy characters, and how they appear is important to eachother as well as to us. I love the way Eyveniel is so radiant and he is so earthy:
"...my leafy tunic, my tanned skin that in the daylight betrayed the slightest hue of green, my brown hair that did not glow."
It is all so self depreciating, as if he is ashamed to be seem by one so beautiful... and yet he is also a prince and her equal. I love the way she gently teases him about that, and shares her conviction that Coranth spoke truly of his gracious humility.
How his heart must have leapt when she said she would rather be a simple water nymph on earth. Poor fellow. I am glad he is so humble, perhaps it might protect his heart from being broken when he finds out that it is his 'soul brother' whom she loves.
I am REALLY looking forward to reading more.
Love from EVA

Oh, Poette, this is just lovely! I love the lush imagery and how her eyes "sparkled with white fire"! I love her name too, it's so beautiful and ethereal. I could hardly believe that this was my story, though, and that somehow I had spawned something this wonderful and brilliant! Thank you so much! *gives her a huge hug*

Joremn is a great name. And I like the concept of this story -- good job tackling Seraph's prompt! Can't wait to see more!