Really quite gorgeous. But then, I've always found you to have a good hand with prose. I liked how Naruto's whisker marks were described when he was introduced, it's an interesting visual. And it took me a while to remember just what 'Hebi' means and who might choose that codename.

And thank you for not actually having Sakura needing to carry that act through to the end, 'cuz ... eesh.

I wouldnt exactly classify this as horror... excellent work tho.

Great story:)

Hmm. This is definitely one of the best one-shot shinobi-mission-intrigue stories I remember reading. There are a few good ones out there, but my memory seems to recall that they're mostly solo affairs-one member on a mission, being introspective and all that. This is obviously different.

There's only one weakness I can think of in this story, but I'm not sure how you could have avoided it: the sense of menace you build up with Tsukimaru rings a bit hollow from the moment the reader realizes it's Sakura he's dealing with, and that Naruto and Sasuke involved. You layer on the evil very well, and there's building tension involved, but as I was reading it I knew, "This will not go as Tsukimaru plans. All of his thought-allusions to sadism and brutality will go unfulfilled." Which is deeply satisfying morally, but not so satisfying in the 'gripping story' sense.

Does that make any sense?

I can think of one thing that might have been changed to make the tension more 'real'-not revealing that Tsukimaru's samurai/shinobi guard was actually Sasuke. Hebi was too much of a giveaway IMO. We know that Naruto is involved, but he might or might not be surveilling the situation-we have to hope. But Sasuke is neck-deep in everything, he's around Tsukimaru at all times. Maybe if we hadn't known his guard was Team 7, things would have been more distressing?

Anyway, I hope that was helpful, but for all that, I very much enjoyed the story:) Thanks for sharing! The little wrap-up was excellent, especially.

That was excellent; a nice standalone quasi-sequel to "Tides". I liked that you took time to build up the world that Tsukimaru and his father live in, before delivering the decisive blow.

That... my first words, hands down, once I started reading this story were "This. Is. Awesome."

I suddenly squeed when I saw "red eyes" at about the third or fourth paragraph, then instantly scrolled up to read the previous paragraphs with that understanding. I loved the dynamics between Hebi, Karoi, and Kureji, how we as the audience can see the nuances in their relationship that Tsukimaru can't, and loved the plan that they enacted. And how everyone was competent! Sasuke using the Sharingan near the beginning, Naruto playing the role of the protective but 'slow' brother (and I snickered when Hebi described him as that, about as much as I snickered when Kureji referred to Hebi as 'bastard'), and Sakura. Just everything about her- doing her role of shy, innocent maiden to the hilt while all along we know what she's capable of. Wonderful. And in your universe canon I can see them doing this not only to bring revenue in but also to catch the Akatsuki's attention- any mention of pink hair whatever the circumstances should be distinctive.

And it was wonderful to see adult Team 7 together and working as a team. Seeing them being competent and just- just teammates. Damn Kishimoto; we need more of that. I really enjoyed reading this and hope you get bunnies and a chance to write more in your Tides universe.

What a delightfully twisted story! Lies and traps and webs and what beautiful manipulations; telling this from Tsukimaru's veiw was the perfect touch. Truly, this is an awesome story ^.^

Excellent story.
I liked the story, and it was fun catching the hints as to who was Sakura(easy), Naruto(moderate), Sasuke(kinda hard). The whole narative works very well, though I'll admit it seemed much more feudal era then the psuedo modern era of the cannon naruto universe, so it felt a bit odd. The story though flowed very well. I think the summary may have given away a little much though.
Anyway, great story. Love your work. I should delve into fandoms not my own to continue enjoying your work.

Makokam out.

SQUE! I've been hanging out for a sequel to Tides for ages and so this was great to see. I enjoyed the story from the target's point of view, and was kicking myself for not catching on faster that Hebi was Sasuke.
Fingers crossed that we might get another one at some point ...

Jo

Who doesn't have a login, but .. )

I love that I had no idea where you were going with this until the very end. Beautiful!

Awesome. I love how you never, not even once, say their real names. This story is really really well writen it`s great that the whole fic is in the POV of the prey that thinks he`s the predator. Again... Awesome.

Just a little thing, I kind of remember that the it was the sailor`s sister the one that was killed (in Tides) not his daughter. But eh.. well, it could be another girl or something, after all he killed a lot of them, poor things.

Anyway, thanks for the AWESOME return to Naruto`s fandom.

Excellent, as usual. The only part that really confused me was this line:
"...froze as someone pressed a knife to his back and Kaori's small, graceful hand closed on his jaw with dangerous force."
I thought that you were implying that Sakura had a knife to his back, and was clutching his jaw with her other hand, so when Naruto ended up with the knife, I was a little bit confused and I had to go back and read it a couple times. I'm also not sure why she clutched his jaw. Every gesture in your story has been deliberate, but this one was a bit obscure for me.

The only other thing that didn't /quite/ work out was Tsukimaru's character. All his suppressed rage completely made sense of the sadist/murderer in him, which I loved. Separately, his Evil Plotting tied in nicely with his love of power/playing with people, which sort of worked into the sadist, but less directly. The one thing I didn't get was the priority he gave to Sakura. He constantly thinks of her as a "toy" and that he's "playing" a "game" with her. But then he spends time with her instead of bringing down his father (his main goal in life, and the only thing I feel he takes seriously), and thinks of her possessively enough to get angry and kill his father. I understand that there are other motivations, but the fact that she catalyzes it seemed teensy bit forced to me at the end. He's bided his time for so long, why would this essentially unimportant toy trigger him? However, he was definitely a real and interesting character to me. He didn't even feel like an OC and I loved the way you had silk run through the whole thing to characterize him. I think it fit perfectly.

I also enjoyed the father's character. Overall, also very believable. Unfortunately, because we see so little of him, I got only one aspect of his personality at a time...they never overlapped. He seemed like more of a cube than a sphere, if that makes any sense. For example, in scene A he keeps his son at dinner, which shows me he likes mind-fucking with people and is also very arrogant and demanding. Then in scene B he's this straight-forward, call-it-like-it-is old guy with clear authority, and in scene C he's oddly lecherous. Since you had the various aspects of Tsukimaru's personality play off each other so nicely, the father seemed a bit waffle-y in comparison, as though you weren't quite sure who to make him, so you had him fill different roles at different times. Each role was believable in itself, and I could maybe imagine them coming together in one person, but it was weird not to actually see it.

That having been said, I think you dealt with Team 7 masterfully. This is maybe not /entirely/ true to canon/your AU (I personally think that Sakura will never be able to gain a position of equality within the team by virtue of her sex, their profession, and general patriarchy in their society), but this is Team 7 as they should be, and I feel it is much more true to their personalities than anything Kishimoto could or ever will write. I especially enjoyed Sakura's versatility, and Naruto and Sasuke's general lack thereof. I didn't catch on to Sasuke immediately, probably because he's doing his damndest to sound like A Generic Guard, and is therefore doing it very well, but when his eyes flashed red, I got it immediately. I also love how they came together at the end, and how their teamwork sort of climaxed (in the sense that we were getting a better and better idea of how well they work together, but that was when we really saw them as a team) with the story. Overall, a very emotionally satisfying tale and ending. It really seemed complete in and of itself, which I didn't quite feel with Tides. The one thing that got me was that in this perfectly created and contained universe, there was a mysterious third-person employer who maybe wanted revenge for the murders. It almost sounded like the town hired them, but these people were poor. I don't know how they did it for the money. It doesn't quite compute. Also, by introducing this guy, you sort of open up the world again. Since most of the tension at the climax comes from the way you narrow the space of the action, the mention kind of subtracted from it. Maybe it would be better to have him be someone we've already met, if only in passing, like an official or a conspiracy of dock workers who saved up.

Your language is beautiful, and your attention to detail really makes this story come alive in my mind. The prose flows beautifully, and I didn't notice any grammar mistakes.

As always, whenever you write something for a fandom I'm familiar with, it makes my day.

That pretty cool. ^_^ I didn't notice any large problems with the story, and the conclusion was quite satisfying. So, the contract was for the father and the son, and make it look like a falling out between them... It would be interesting to know who arranged the contract. I look forward to more.

I liked this one - a lot a lot a lot A LOT! Wonderfully spun. I enjoyed every last second of it. Seeing the intentions of Tsukimaru throughout the story heightened the suspense. I loved the clues you left about Sasuke being the guard with the "bastard" and "idiot" references. And espeiclly loved the ending. Perfect perfect... discussing the scene in front of the last victim added a nice helpless feel to Tsukimars, who still thought he had it all planned out. Wonderful!

that was so good! it was so original i'm so excited that the bastard got wat he deserved! hahaha that was great! so awesome

Really great story. Lovely building tension to dissonant climax as all is revealed.