This is really good for a beginning chapter kinda sad that its discontinued though

Why won't you write more please do it's good

Bummer this is discontinued but I still thought I'd review. I really liked this opening chapter, the set-up for a pretty cool looking plot was good. I also liked your character approach and dialogue (thoughts included). Thanks for posting.

Hey, thanx for sending me that message, I like where your going with this, im so glad there are more writters for this pairing. U have alot of dialouge in your story which can be good and bad depending on how its spaced out but keep writting!