sweet i loved it

Ok, so I read your story, and the plot was pretty good. I could get the picture of it in my head, and that's a good thing.

You might want to work on dialogue. Specifically, having some. Dialogue goes into "quotes" to tell the reader something is being said. Telling the reader who's speaking should never happen unless you're writing a script for a stage play or screenplay. I should be able to tell from how things are said (with an occasional he said or she said afterwards).

I also noted one word misused... nothing big, but I thought I'd mention it. Now (being a time) is different from know (having knowledge)... I'm guessing that's just because of relying solely on spellchecker, which is generally a bad idea. Spellchecker isn't smart enough to know what you meant to say most of the time.

Finally, I'd work on the ending a little, too... it seems a bit abrupt and dissatisfying for the reader. (Although, I suppose that cold have beenwhat you were going for, in which case, nevermind me.)

Now since I'm done offering bad news, keep writing! Every time you write something, you learn from it, and get better!

I'm really impressed that you write that in script form but they were all so in character. Hahahaha made me laugh when they just start talking to Grissom like he's been there all along. And when Greg is an "excited child." Hahahaahaha XD

another great story. well done keep up the good work and the great profesonalism to the way you write...cant wait for the next one

Great story

It was a pretty good premise. The constant miss-spelling really interfered with enjoying it though because the reader had to continuously stop to figure out what word you meant; i.e., translating now into know and were into we're.

it was pretty good.

Pretty good story.

Great story