Cool story! :D

You recently asked me to be your beta reader--no, thank you.
This chapter is good, but you don't need *so* much detail about the IDs.

Never use later. Just unblock him. It's rather rude to block someone who is trying to hekp you, sweetcheeks.

Don't block people. Unblock my friend, please.

This is WAYbetter then how you wrote your other stoires.

Oodles and oodles better than your other stories! Your spelling and grammar has improved, as has the plot line. GREAT story! Continue it!

However, this is a tad bit better than your other tripe you have written. You still need ot learn to write everyone's personailty, rather than having everyone sound so monotone when speaking.

Learn what a plot is. What a good beginning, middle and end are.

Stop and think what a good plot is or if your readers will like it. Everyone still talks so monotone.