Ok make paragraphs and crap, but other than that, purty good! ^_^
I just got finished w/beating the game for the 5th time.
I think Rempo's adorable!♥

Eh~ I'll be honest; I don't care for this, it has no plot. This isn't really a story, its just a blown-up statement. I can re-tell this whole story in two sentances, really; "I was in love with Tia. She died and I never got to tell her." adding all the description makes it look pretty, but its just the same cookie with different frosting.

I'm not trying to be mean, by the way, I'm trying to be helpful so you can improve your stories and share them with more people.

A story has a problem that needs solving. Its structure consists of exposition (introductory phase where the reader gets oriented), rising action (all the failed attempts at solving the problem, and building events which lead up to the next part) a climax (exciting sequence as a product of rising action) and then a breif falling action (tying up the loose ends; an epilogue)

I thought you should know; a 'rating' is a warning about the content; there is an explanation of it when you're creating the story. K+ is Kindergarten and up; in other words the story is suitable for anybody, even little kids. T is for teenagers, in other words the story contains violence, mild to moderate language, perhaps some nudity or sexual innuendo. M is for mature; nudity, heavy violence, gore, swearing, and explicit sex scenes.

thats in a nutshell; look up ESRB to get more specifics.

This is sad and good at the same time TT-TT I love this and I hope you update soon