This is a great story I can't wait to find out what happens next lots of unanswered questions that I can't wait to read about... looking forward to the next update...

I love, love, love this story already. Dom being over protective is always a major turn on for me and you're character "Janie" seems like she needs just that. I can't wait to learn of her history and why she's a runaway. Something tells me she hasn't seen the last of whoever's the reason she's in such bad condition. Please up date when you can. :) I'm excited to read more!

I really like your story so far. I love Dom/OC stories and your's is very interesting. I can hardly wait to learn more about Jane.

Good I like it keep it coming have something happen to Dom like him getting shot up prety bad

Its pretty obvious naming the character after your own pen name is a trait of a Mary Sue!

You also are horrible at writing Letty. Did you watch this movie? Letty doesn't sneak. She isn't afraid of Dominic. If she thought Dominic was getting out of line with this kid she would get up in Dominic's face, and if she wanted her out, Dom would put her out. Making Letty into this pathetic weak and whiney girl to suit your Mary Sue is a bit sad. Like a WOMAN like Letty would feel threatened enough by a teenage run away to feel the need to try and warn her off. You need to seriously grow up a lot before the next 'love story' you attempt to write. Adult men do not leave a good thing like Letty over a person half their age unless they're perverts. Dom didn't seem like a pervert. Its so obvious that the next things coming are Letty being a ** to this stupid Mary Sue behind Dom's back, Dom catching her at it and breaking up with her because she's such a **. Then if Letty sticks around she'll likely either keep threatening Mary Sue or they'll become bffs OMG in a way so false it'll be obvious its just because you couldn't decide if you had the balls to make Letty a ** or not and went with not. If Dom did feel protective over this stupid character it would be like he would feel over Mia, not romantically. Dom and Letty have been together since they both were kids and if they're going to break up, it won't be over your Mary Sue. Please try to have some originality and not write yet another Dom gets with Mary Sue story which isn't even well thought out. If you need Letty to be all out of character to give you a reason to put Dom with Sue you shouldn't be writing fiction!

Jane's a nice name, it's favorite aunt's name. I'm curious to see how you're going to spin this story. I'm kinda hoping that you have Dom break up with Letty before he gets too obvious about his interest in Jane. I feel silly to say this about a fictional character, but she certainly doesn't need to feel guilty about breaking anybody up or feel resented by Letty or Dom's friends. Plus she needs to get better physically and emotionally before getting into a relationship. Oh, and I love how you're making Dom so protective of her right away, it's really sweet and romantic! Can't wait for the next update!

Love the update! ^_^

Yay! Update! Great chapter, I like how Dom and Janie are bonding straight off. Can't wait to see her get healthy and see how he reacts! I am curious to see how Letty's going to act, and how you break them up. Never liked her anyway, very unhealthy relationship. Please update again soon!

Aww this is so sweet! I cant wait for more. I like how you change between the POV's it keeps it interesting and I feel that we understand Jane more xD
Cant wait till the next chap
C

Everyone is so out of character! Why would Dominic willingly take in a strange teen he knows nothing about? Why would and girl who has been through so much already go home with a complete and utter stranger? Due to the fact your pen name is Jane and the character's name is Jane it's painfully obvious this teenager is a stand in for what you wish would happen if you met Dominic. Beyond that the over abused, overly dramatic Mary Sue is the hardest one to take. You have her be so bad ** on one hand and then the second after she meets this guy and he makes her a sandwich she's all 'oh see me vunerable because you're so hawt'. Gimme a break. I can't wait until Dominic leaves Letty (the love of his life btw) for a girl half his age and we get to see him turned into a child molester. Dominic is not the type to fall for a child when he's had a woman like Letty. You seriously need to do a lot of work on making an OFC before you attempt a self insert again.

I like how you're rotating between Dom and Jane's POVs, it's especially interesting when you write the same scene from one perspective and then the other. I'm hoping we'll get a little peek into Jane's life, I don't think she's ready to tell anyone yet but maybe a flashback? Is she really young or does she just look young cause she's sick and starving? Who's she running from, her family or foster care. Hope you update again soon!

really interesting start, hope you continue with the story! there aren't enough dom/ofc fics out there and this one's really got me curious!

post please!

great start...looking forward to more

Interesting start cant wait for more.