Nice. You've got a good start here, that cliffhanger makes me really excited for the next chapter.

Just a few things, you have a slight grammar problem, and this would be nicer if the dialogue wasn't packed together at some places. That's just my personal opinion though. I kinda prefer it when the dialogue goes like:

"Blahblah."

"Blahblah."

instead of "Blahblah." "Blahblah."

Well, enough of my blabbering, in all, I think this story has real potential, and it'd be nice if you continued it :) This is going to my subscribed list :D