aww...

brittney

so cute!

Aw, this is just about one of the sweetest Artemis/Holly fics I've read, and I love Artemis/Holly fics. I liked the song choice also. It really fit with the story. (I suppose because the story was based on the song, but whatever.)

Ahaha... Arty said 'What's up.' He almost sounds like a normal teenager XD

You, my dear, are an embarassment to the Artemis Fowl fandom, and possibly the human race.

Because of your failtastic failure, I'm going to MST this story. Right here in this review box. It's gonna be awesome.

'Hey all!'

Hello, badfic author.

'Okay, here’s a one-shot I got the idea from when I listened to the song “Beside You” by Marianas Trench'

Gee whiz, thanks for telling me! I never would have known otherwise!

'(the song in this story)'

I thought it was from that story on page fifty three spaces down, not this one.

'on my iPod.'

Okay, you're screwing with me, right? There has to be a limit to the amount of useless, redundant information you give us.

'I’d make the last book come out tomorrow instead of who knows.'

May I just point out, that had YOU written the Artemis Fowl books, nobody would like them? This is just me grinding your ego into the dust to make up for the pain this story has caused me.

'After a grueling day of work, Holly Short collapsed on her twin-sized bed in her cramped apartment.'

Good god that was an expository sentence. Somebody needs to take some writing classes, and it ain't me. Er, make that two somebodies, you and your other reviewer.

'She sighed dramatically,'

Well, why the flying f*ck would she do that?

'and decided to listen to music to erase her cloud of stress and confusion. '

She needs to listen to music to EASE THE PAIN ON HER TORTURED SOUL SOB SOB CRY. Just like you, amirite?

'Grabbing her music player from her bedside table, '

At least it wasn't an iPod. If it was, I would have to have invented a way to strangle people over the internet.

'daydreams that only occurred behind closed lids'

No $hit? Daydreams occur behind closed lids?! OH MY GOD.

...anyway, daydreams DON'T occur behind closed eyelids. That would make them normal dreams.

'Somehow music revealed emotions Holly didn’t even know she had.'

See previous note about pain, tortured souls, etc.

On that note, I just listened to the song, and I don't see how it's any different from all the other generic drivel on the radio today. This is what hapens when you start applying everything to everything else.

'Longings broke her internal shield, and shattered the remains.'

*snerk* Hey, buddy, take this advice--never write poetry, ever.

'The rhythm of this song was making her long for arms.'

HOLLY'S GONE CANNIBAL! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

'Arms to hold her and keep her safe. Arms to hug her when she’s happy, and to embrace her when she’s sad.'

This is you trying to be poetic and failing. Badly.

'The only arms Holly wished were wrapped around her were Artemis’s.'

...no comment. I'm too busy banging my head on this keyboard.

'But he was thousands of miles above the surface'

In an airplane?

'as to please her emotions.'

This clause makes no sense. Much like the rest of your dribble.

'She needed him.'

The disgusting clicheness of that phrase aside, I don't see why. This is the problem with emotional songfics; you THINK that you're pouring your heart and soul onto the page, but you're not. This great emotional impact that you're imagining just isn't there, a placebo created by the song and your own imagined concepts. This is why I hate the damn things. (If you say 'Don't like, don't read', I will find a way to make you suffer, I swear)

'Like fire needs oxygen, like plants need water, like a heart needs love'

Um, dude? You suck at similes. Big time.

' But it was the love that could not be. '

Translation: ANGST ANGST ANGST

'Two species in love were hardly acceptable, and how would they see each other if one lived above ground, and the other lived below it? '

I can always tell when an 'author' is really stretching to extend word count, you know.

'Oh gods, how Holly wished [...]'

Yeah, that entire subsection? I refuse to copy it into a review. Its sacharine diabetes-inducing sapfluff was bad enough the first time.

'Captain Holly Short finally opened her eyes,'

Eh? She fell asleep, had a vivid dream, and woke up, all because some teenybopper song was playing for all of three minutes?

'I just had to type it up!'

Yes, but did you HAVE to inflict it on us?

' So if you want to be really nice, then press that little green button at the bottom of the screen that says “review” and I’ll give you a virtual cookie!'

You say that as if you expect a review to be like an automatic virtual thumbs up or something. Newsflash, kid! It ain't. It's a CRITIQUE. Generally speaking, I critique stories. You, however, I have flamed, because some stories are really just that bad.

Ah well, that was fun. I doubt you actually had the patience to read this whole thing--I'm assuming smoke started coming out of your ears when you realized this wasn't a load of praise and you just pressed the review reply button to scream something uintelligible at me about how mean I am. Well, you have fun with that. Later.

~D

ooh i want a virtual cookie! Pick me! i love it. Not random at all, i've read way way worse. (you would be amazed)
-Captain Short