OMG i read this story back in 2010 and have been trying to find it again this story is sooooo good I ABSOLUTLEY LOVE IT

could literaly read this story again and again ONE OF THE BESS STORIES I HAVE READ ON HERE and i have definatly read are an awesome auther and i LOVE it THIS STORY IS AWESOME

Hello, I favorited this story a few days ago, and I realized that I could hardly do that without leaving a review. So, I'll fix that right now.

Alright, I'll go into why I favorited this story in the first place; there are a few very good reasons. First, I love your characterization skills. I fell in love with them at nearly the start of the story. Far, far too many writers in this fandom write in first person, but they never commit to narration. They tend to simply tell what's happening around Rose, or whoever, but don't go into her, or their, thought processes. You don't do that and I can't begin to tell you how much I like it. Never have you let the reader guess on what Rose is feeling or thinking and that's very important, it's the point of even using the first-person to begin with, as you obviously know.

Second, you kept true to Rose's character. So many VA fics forget that Rose has a serious side. Yes, she teases, she's sarcastic and can be very immature. However, I've always felt that the more... important aspect of her characterization was her determination, her passion and love for others and how dedicated she could be. These parts of her personality really makes Rose, Rose in my opinion. Not her jokes, or sarcasm. Those inevitably flavor everything she does, but it's always felt more like a front to me. A way to keep people at a distance. Really, I could always tell that because the sarcasm and such went away during her and Dimitri's relationship defining moments. Even though you had Rose go through so, so much, you didn't really let it change her charater comepletely. She did change, but it was logical and still felt like her.

I liked the way you used your OCs. They made sense and you didn't make them into some sort of super-freaks. Well done. You didn't have too many and they were all entertaining and well written. I'll be honest and say that once it became obvious that Marcus was going to get Rose, I was very upset. I'm very pro-Dimitri. However, the way they ended up together was natural and smooth so that I just eventually took it for what it was. A very good, "What if Dimitri Couldn't Turn Back," story. Marcus was very likable anyway.

Okay, those were all the reasons I favorited this story. They aren't the only reasons this fic is good (there are actually a lot, varying from plot to pacing) but it would take forever to name them all lol. I will go over some stuff that, in my opinion, you could improve on.

First, there were a few sentences scattered throughout your chapters that seemed a little awkward. Just mostly sentence structure stuff. It's not really something you yourself would catch in proofreading, so I would recommend that you find someone to read over your writing before posting. Not necessarily a beta, just a friend or family member.

You also had some trouble with redundancy. As a general example, you would do things like: "Lissa's over there with Christian; I'll head over there in a minute." Repeating words in a sentence is something a writer should generally avoid unless you're emphasizing something. Such as: "See, I'm dishonest, and you can always trust me to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for. You never know when they will do something incredibly... stupid." In that particular scene in Pirates of the Carribean, Jack was attempting to tell Will that he was going to betray Barbossa (he's dishonest, after all lol) and fight for the side of good (Will's very honest by comparison.) Problem is, Will could be very thick headed so, hence the extreme emphasis.

I realize that you're not American, but Rose is. I have this problem with many American writers in the Harry Potter fandom as well. Rose says "mom." Harry says "mum." It's a part of their culture and it frustrates me that so many writers disregard this. You are really good at character development, however, a character's culture is extremely important to their development. Rose would never, ever say, "Aden's a real git." Just like she wouldn't ever call her mother "mum." Even authors take this in account when writing. You don't see Richelle Mead disregarding Dimitri's culture and have him speaking informal, causual American english simply because she's comfortable with it. Being a writer sometimes means getting out of your comfort zone. However, you are not the only writer, by any means, that ever does this, so I forgive you lol. Just keep it mind.

Well, sorry for the extremely long review, but this story was finished even before I read it sooo, I had no chance to cut this into parts lol. I really like your writing style and I think this fic deserves far more feedback than it has recieved. You've gone and written an AU that actually takes place in RM's vampire universe and threw in some really good OCs on top. It puts some of the more popular AH stories to shame. I hope end up writing another VA fic in the future.

Raith

Really good story! I like how it starts from where it does, and doesn't have the whole "Ohhh... I love BOTH Adrian and Dmitri, who am I going to choose!" :) your story was really good and not too complicated :D

i really loved this story becouse its not the norm and i loved the addtion of the new love intrest

1 big WOW for whole story!

great story loved it

I can honestly say that was one of the best fanfictions i have read but u should have put wen the points of veiws changed it was a little confusing but overall was good.

OMG LOVED IT I Adore Marcus ! I know you said that's it but i still want more...more of the relationship between the 2 of them lol A marriage...kids maybe ? hehehe some down time for Rose to be happy...without all the Strigoi !

Seriously hun that was amazing !

I LOVE YOU AND YOUR STORIES!

S

This was an amazing story, I'm so glad I took the time to read it! I loved all of the characters, and even though I am a total Rose x Dimitri fan, I was all for Rose and Marcus by the end of this. Suspense was always there, never once was I bored!

Amazing :)

wow. i love it.

really great story! your imagination is absolutely amazing!

Awww yay! Marcus lived3 I lived this story a lot! And I'm so happy Rose killed Dimitri! (never thought I'd say that:p ) lool it was awsome!

Im soo happy that you rounded things off at the end. I would of been devestated if i thought Marcus had died.

It was a brilliant story. You developed your own characters briliantly and they all had their own unique personalities where as with other authors own characters seem to have a blended personality but yours definately didnt.

You are a very skilled writer and your idea was brilliant. You really captured the characters emotions throughout especially Rose and instead of studying i found myself reading your story all day. :)

Fantastic piece of writing.