   Koyuuno The Wonder Inu 1/8/04 . chapter 4While the idea for this story may be original, the way you went about executing it completely destroyed any chances of the story being worth reading. Of course, that is only my personal opinion, and no one's forcing you to listen to what I say, but I have some constructive, albeit harsh, comments on this particular work of fiction.
Your characterisation is neither in-depth, believable or anywhere even close to canon. While I have no problem at all with Harry being portrayed as a homosexual in fan fiction, I believe that it was used as nothing more than a plot devise in this story. Harry would not just come out to Ron out of the blue and have everything be all right. Things like that can put serious strain on friendships, but the issue does not seem to have been approached. Furthermore, unless you and I are reading very different versions of the Harry Potter books, Harry hates Draco. He does not secretly have a crush on him and want to sleep with him. Considering the fact that the Harry Potter books are from Harry's perspective, I think we would have noticed if this were the case. I no problem whatsoever with the Harry/Draco ship, and in fact support it myself, but when fan-authors completely neglect to approach the subject of their five-year hatred and rivalry, the story isn't worth reading.
Although it may not have been your intention, the issue of Harry being turned into a girl seems like a cop-out way of writing about a slash relationship between Harry and Draco without actually having to write the slash part. If you want them together, for heaven's sake let them keep the genitalia they were born with.
The "Perfectionis" potion is neither an existing potion, nor a believable one. It seems highly unlikely that there would be a potion to permanently remove all physical imperfections when we have people looking like Snape and Mad-Eye Moody wandering about. Also, if the potion was supposed to make Harry "perfect" why was he turned into a girl? Contrary to what you may believe, most gay men are perfectly happy as men. Wanting to be the opposite gender is transsexuality. Having researched abnormal psychology extensively, I can tell you with complete confidence that there are indeed a relatively large percentage of transsexuals that are heterosexual, and homosexuals that are not transsexuals. The two do not always go hand in hand. While your argument may be that the gender change was caused by the wormwood, I find this entirely impossible. Wormwood is used along with Asphodel in the Draught of Living Death (as mentioned in Sorcerer's Stone), which is a powerful sleeping potion. No one has ever changed genders post-use. I do believe Snape would have mentioned that.
The closest to a gender-changing potion that is ever mentioned in any of the Harry Potter books is Polyjuice, which lasts only an hour and causes the drinker extreme pain, though even that may not work. There have been no cases in which a character under the influence of Polyjuice has changed gender. Harry and Ron turned into Crabbe and Goyle, Hermione would have turned into Millicent Bulstrode had her potion worked, and in Goblet of Fire, Barty Crouch Jr. used it to pose as Mad-Eye Moody.
Dean and Seamus would not hit on Harry just because he had grown a pair of breasts and misplaced his male genitalia, if they are indeed heterosexual males. Harry may be a girl, but once they figured out s/he was still Harry the passes made on him/her would most likely have stopped immediately.
If Ginny is a fourth-year as mentioned in chapter three of your story, Harry and co. are in fifth year, in which case Draco is not handsome. He is still pointy and resembles a ferret, as described in Order of the Phoenix.
No where in the books is it stated that Pansy Parkinson is "easy." Bad characterisation of minor characters is something I have a very big problem with. Just because Pansy is Draco's canon love interest does not automatically make her easy slut he wants nothing to do with. He took her to the ball and he hangs out with her regularly. If he did not like her, he would tell her so. Deal.
I haven't addressed anything after chapter four because I read no further. The chapters are lacking a significant amount of detail and research that could have saved this story. While my intention isn't to discourage you from writing in the future, I simply believe that writing a story in which such a massive change is made, you have to try just a little harder. Reread the books, in fact reread them regularly if you have to, but please, try to stick to canon on some level when writing a story such as this. |
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination 
mobile edition