   Ganheim 7/18/11 . chapter 2[Your introductory chapter raises questions all the way to “what fandom and genre is this” but really doesn’t seem to answer any of them. I’m not sure what exactly the plan was, but it just looks too short to properly set the stage for anything]
Chapter 2
that I'm fairly well-versed in the series' "official" chronology
[You mean fan-made? Technically, with the exception of a few like the Oracle of Seasons to Link’s Awakening, aren’t they each standalone games not necessarily linked to any of the others?]
Your story was pleasantly free of technical flaws or any glaring character or plot inconsistencies. A good number of plots and characters were all introduced clearly, without major cliches or bulky exposition. The only issue I have is that it’s obviously incomplete – there’s probably a good story waiting here, but it hasn’t been updated in a long time. |
| Raskol 1/25/10 . chapter 2 Careful on the epithets.
I'm guessing you're running around in somewhat of a very loose third-person limited viewpoint. If you are, there's nothing wrong with what you have, though you sometimes slip into omniscient. If you are aiming for a tight third, though, you'll need to keep in mind how your characters think, what information they have, how they think, their voices, etc.
The shortness of each section gives the narrative a bit of a "jumpy" feeling. I don't know if that's what you're aiming for.
As for Link: I like him so far, from what little you've given us. Something about his voice in the last line i nice. I can't say anything more specific until you characterize him a little more though.
Now, chop, chop. Hop to it, mate. Churn out that next chapter. Good luck.
-Raskol |
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