|Reviews for Get Out of My House|
| Hikari Heartache 7/11/10 . chapter 1
"Sometimes Heracles just wanted to kick him off a cliff like a rejected Spartan baby." lmao that along with this story made my day!
| Airey 1/23/10 . chapter 1
| Smrtypantz 11/26/09 . chapter 1
you're first story, i'm proud of you
I loved the idea for this fic, it was extremely interesting. Arthur getting drunk of his ass was hilarious xDD especially his mood swings XD -coughI'M A PIRATEcough-
OH, and that one line "rejected spartan baby" made me giggle so hard (when it probably shouldn't have :'D)
SO, since this is ur first fic, i wanna critique if that's ok?
“This man you see is none other than Arthur Kirkland, England, doing what all British tourists do, get drunk and make fools of themselves.” - is that seriously what they say on Greek news channels? xDD I think you should have been a bit more subtle, as in "There was a British gentleman getting drunk and making a fool of himself" rather than say that ALL British people do this. it could be taken offensively, but all you need to do is just address the fact that it's Arthur and not all British people
Also, don't say cafe/bar. just say "cafe or bar" because it looks nicer and that's how it would be written in a novel :)
Now then, if you're going to write in greek, can you use greek lettering so we know it's a foreign word? and then please put translations at the bottom :) (cuz i wanna know what he said xDD)
“You know, you look oddly familiar? Are you an actor?” asked the waitress. Heracles decided to take Arthur to Rio.- For this portion, you probably should have used one of those line spacer thingys and established the place before the dialogue (like an establishing shot, omg!)
“Don’t kick me out, my vacation isn’t over.”
“I’ve invaded you before haven’t I?" For this part, you should have put this question in the same line because I thought Heracles was talking about the invasion here when it was actually Arthur again.
Also, choose between Heracles and Herakles :)
Lastly is to work on characterization. I know you warned about OOCness, but it comes through more with Heracles than with Arthur. try to have less dialogue and more points where they think before they speak so we know where they are coming from to eliminate this factor :3
so many critiques, i hope you're not mad, but this is actually really good for a first fanfic, and GAH, when i see you i'm going to hug you on a job well done xD
OH, one more thing. the whole swine flu thing was irrelevant and may offend, so i would recommend not putting that since it's a bit inconsiderate even tho you warned people not to get offended :/
many hearts 3,
| Lost in Purple 11/24/09 . chapter 1
definitely amusing 8D
(oh and you have anonymous reviews turned off. just mentioning that in case you didn't know, because it's the default)