This is a very interesting story, and I hope you update it someday. Thanks! It's made me howl in laughter, nearly asphyxiating. Favorite quotes:
"Shy, are we? Well, I'll just answer for you. I love ikebana and shopping, and taking care of my hair. Sometimes I like booking a whole day at the spa; it's a great way to relax and those mud baths are amazing for the skin. What is your favourite season? Well, I'd say it's a toss-up between—"
"Fall!" Deidara suddenly bellowed. "Now shut up!"
Ino bared her teeth in a malicious grin, glad to see she was finally getting under his skin. Refusing to relent, she raised the clipboard and they continued in that fashion, with her reading the questions and him answering only for the sake of drowning out her own answers. The entire process, which was meant to help them familiarize each other, looked rather demented with the way they were abusing it.
By the end they were both on their feet and face to face at the glass wall, shouting their answers at the tops of their lungs.
"Cats or dogs?"
"Dogs!" he yelled at the same time she hollered, "cats!"
"Beaches or theme parks?"
"Beaches!" they blurted together, pausing just long enough to throw each other disgusted looks.
Ino tossed back her sweaty hair, snarling the next question.
"A product you can't live without?"
"Clay!" "Conditioner!"
"Favourite subject?"
"Art!" they screamed simultaneously at the same moment the ANBU member entered the room.
"What the…?" he said, startled, walking in to find the pair red-faced and gasping for breath. "What happened? Are you all right, Ino-san?"
"Fine," she barked in response, refusing to break her glare with Deidara. "Just fine. You can leave."
…
"No," Inoichi said uncomfortably. "Godaime-sama swore the interrogation team and ANBU to secrecy. We'd be a laughing stock if news of this got out to the general population, not to mention other villages. And thank goodness, because I don't think your mother could handle it if everyone else found out."
Ino pictured people's reactions and inwardly grudged the irony of finally having something unique in common with her crush, Sasuke; now they both had notoriously insane criminals for brothers.
…
"He said he's an artist, remember? I'll have my flowers, but I need to buy something for him to use."
"Oh, right," Inoichi said sheepishly, reaching for his wallet. "What are you getting? Paint?"
"Nope," Ino said calmly, taking a sip of her tea. "Play-Doh."
…
Her first vase had contained mostly vines and darker flowers with small, delicate petals arranged in a systematic fashion. In stark contrast, her second vase stood out with an asymmetrical assortment of vibrantly coloured flowers and leaves, with the most colourful blooms clustered in the centre and the dark stems and vines arching up and away to the left.
"Voila. I love doing both styles, but this kind's my favourite. It's just so much more…" Ino trailed off, glancing between the two and searching for the right word.
"Dynamic."
She glanced up when he spoke. Although his voice was brusque, it held none of its usual bite.
"It has more energy and movement." He cocked his head at it, squinting. "This one is better than the first, un."
Ino raised an eyebrow in surprise. "…thanks. I guess we have more in common than I thought."
…
"Come on," Ino sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm not gonna judge you for using Play-Doh. And I know you're higher than a kite right now, so I'll take that into consideration, too."
…
Deidara took one look at her sculpture and his face became oddly tense. She immediately realized it was in the effort to control the pleased grin that was twitching at the corners of his lips.
…
"Flowers are not my style, un."
"Hmph. Of course you'd say that."
He snickered at her petulant tone, then abruptly stiffened at the same instant Ino's smile froze on her face. Confounded by the sudden and unexpected moment of mutual non-hatred and what felt like the initial inklings of kinship, their heads snapped up to look at each other, followed immediately by glares as they scoffed and turned away.
…
"I spy with my little eye…something that is…yellow!"
"My hair," Deidara said flatly without turning around, keeping his attention on the trees surrounding their path. "Now shut up, un."
"You got it right!" Tobi cried, running up to walk beside him. "You're really good at this game, senpai. Okay, let's do one more. I spy with my little eye, something that is…red!"
"The clouds on my cloak," Deidara answered monotonously. "Tobi, the reason I'm so good at this game is because every time you play it, you only look at me. So shut up. This is getting redundant."
"That's only because you're the most captivating thing in sight," Tobi replied with a teasing giggle. "My senpai, the apple of my—ow!"
Deidara lowered his fist, looking satisfied, then stopped once they'd entered a clearing. He glanced around cautiously to ensure the spot was empty before finding a thick patch of grass and wearily sitting down.
"We're close to Konoha, so you better keep an eye out," Deidara advised as Tobi darted around the clearing, chasing a frog. "I need to rest, so keep watch. And if you put your guard down for even one minute, I swear I'll kill you, un."
"No problem, senpai!" Tobi said, turning around to salute him. "I'm not tired at all, so I'll watch over you and keep you safe."
Deidara grimaced at his choice of words but said nothing, too tired to care. "Just wake me up if you see or hear anything."
…
Deidara reared his head back, tensing when she dropped to her knees in front of him and gave him one of the most unsettling smiles he'd ever seen.
"So you and I," she said softly, reaching out and tweaking his nose. "Have a lot of catching up to do."
He sneered and jerked his head away from her hand. "If you think you're going to get to me through mind games, you're beyond naive, un."
"Mind games?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow and poking him in the chest. "Who do you think you're talking to? If I wanted to play mind games, you'd be lying in the corner right now sucking your thumb and thinking you were a two-year-old girl. Me, I just plan on doing exactly what the program wants me to do. I'm going to try really, really hard to form those familial bonds we're so desperately lacking."
Realization dawned on Deidara and he watched, inwardly horrified as she unzipped the bag she'd brought with her and emptied its contents onto the carpet.
"I always did want a sister," she admitted, lifting an eyelash curler out of the pile and eyeing it contemplatively. "But an older brother will do."
When she glanced at him, he looked absolutely livid. "Don't you dare bring that thing anywhere near me."
Ino laughed. "Of course not! Why would I use an eyelash curler on you? You're a guy." She dropped the contraption back into the pile and lifted out a hairdryer, a wide-tooth comb, hair clips, a bottle of detangler, and leave-in conditioner.
"What you need is some serious help with that mop you call hair," she said grimly.
He narrowed his eyes, a defensive note creeping into his voice. "I don't need help."
…
Ino made a face. "Are you nuts? You put your ponytail way too high. It made you look like a friggin' genie."
He stared at her, momentarily dumbstruck by her audacity. G-Genie…?
"Not to mention, you're totally ripping off my style," she added.
He managed to recover from his shock long enough to reply, indignantly, "I've had it like that for years. You're the one copying me."
"You wish, Barbie," she said, suddenly getting to her feet and circling back to her dresser. He glanced over his shoulder to see what she was doing this time, growing increasingly agitated as the sheer ridiculousness of the situation sank in.
He was in a teenage girl's room, in Konoha, in a straitjacket, getting his hair styled. The absurdity of it all was enough to make him wonder if he'd overdosed on sedatives and was hallucinating the entire thing.
…
"Fine," he bit out, giving her a dirty look. "The red bandana."
"Good choice," she chimed. "The others would just make you look like a gay pirate."
…
He was disconcerted with her sudden change in behaviour, recalling how easily she'd lost her temper with him back in the cell. He had a feeling she was planning something, most likely something nefarious, and he was perceptive enough to know she was not one to be underestimated.
After all, she shared some of his DNA.
…
Despite his apprehension regarding her true intentions and the fact that he honestly didn't trust being alone with her, the prospect of finally getting some sun and fresh air outweighed his concern. Though he still felt a shiver of foreboding as he recalled the night at her house and the unnerving smile she'd given him. That smile had said one thing and one thing only: I'm bringing misery and I'm bringing lots of it.
…
"What are you trying to pull?" Deidara snapped, jerking himself out of her grip. "Don't insult my intelligence by thinking I'm going to fall for any of this."
"Fall for what?" Ino inquired innocently. "I really do want to do all this stuff with you because I think it's something we'll both enjoy. I can't understand why you wouldn't want to…unless you think they're all euphemisms for me dragging you away to a secluded bunker somewhere and sawing off your limbs with a hacksaw."
She laughed. "Because that would only be fun for one of us."
Deidara stared at her as if she was completely insane and was suddenly thankful for the ANBU members tailing them from behind.
…
Deidara ignored her, stomping through the grass until he reached the park bench and sat down. This had gone way too far. If she was attempting to get back at him in some crazy, passive-aggressive way for ruining her life, she had gone well and beyond the calls of duty. He had
Please, please finish this. this is too awesome to be left like incomplete!
V.F 1/28/12 . chapter 4
I just found this, and read it all in one sitting! I noticed that you said in the A/N that you had more written, and I would like to say that I'm adding this to my alert list, in hopes that you will update sometime. This story has made me laugh and laugh, but holds enough family plot and character-line-of-thought, that it held my interest beyond the humor... Thanks for writing.
When you wrote about Deidara being short, I was like "FINALLY! Someone acknowledges his height!:D" And the sound of the new hair style and the short comment made me think of Edward
Ino is beginning to feel some kinship to Deidara 3 This chapter was so entertaining, what with her dragging him all over the village :] Please update soon, kay? Along with your other fic, Caught You on the Flip Side! I absolutely LOVE that fanfic too :D Please don't abandon any of your Naruto stories, every single one of them are precious to all the readers...:D I'm slowly going through the list of Naruto fanfics that you have written, and I must say that you are one of my favourite authors
HAHAHA this fanfic was a contrast to Caught You On the Flip Side, and it's a refreshing change from the romance. Ino and Deidara are more similar than they seem, and they both have different styles of 'art'. I bet they would have gotten along pretty well if circumstances were a little different(:
Omg. I love this. This is one of the only Deidara and Ino fics I've read all the way to the end, and I really think you should continue it. Please update :O This is way too good to be discontinued.
Kathy Scarlett Black 12/4/11 . chapter 4
More more More! Please? this is so awesome...and i love it!
The story, I see, is taking a more serious turn, with some of the issues that were briefly touched upon in previous chapters resurfacing. Deidara is, after all, an S-class criminal with a love of explosives, and he cannot be so easily rehabilitated by Konoha. He has fought Team Seven and Team Guy, and even if Sakura was misled by Ino's quick thinking, Naruto saw much more of Deidara than she did, and may not be quite so easy to hoodwink. Then again, he's also Naruto, so Ino might still manage to convince him otherwise. Kakashi ... not so much. Added to Deidara's own intransigence is the way that Konoha acts towards him. Tsunade is not prepared to even consider that he might reform and wishes to simply speed him on his way to the executioner, and the scene with the ANBU at the end reinforces just how vulnerable and detested Deidara is. Things are not quite as funny as they seemed at first: there's a life at stake here, and in this chapter you make that clear.
Which is not to say that it is all solemnity and angst - far from it. Much of the chapter is brimming with humour, from Ino's devious manipulation of Tsunade (I laughed at that), to Deidara being sent flying by his collision with a swing and his sister. I was also left giggling by Deidara punting Kyo into the river, thanks in part to the way his question turns so neatly into a shriek, and in part to how unceremonious his departure over the railings is. Bonus points for it echoing Ino's nightmare of Deidara blowing up her dream boyfriend's head, and for Deidara's private observation that the ANBU escort probably approved of his action as well. As for Ino's rapid thinking when confronted with Sakura, her explanation for the straitjacket was so fantastically implausible that, in accordance with the rule of funny, Sakura had no choice except to buy it. Made somewhat more plausible, I suppose, when you remember the existence of the Aburame clan ...
Nonetheless, the laughter is now tempered with more serious moments. Taking the opening scene as an example, the description of Yamanaka Inoichi's morning routine is quiet, pleasant - and in amusing contrast to the description of his job. However, funny as though the switch from "the quiet pleasure of having tea and orange juice in the sun-drenched spot by the window" to "his blood-drenched, chronically hazardous job as a jounin shinobi" is, it is also true that his job is dangerous and at times brutal. There's an ambiguity to the story, funny on the surface, darker underneath, and thanks to the way that you've been continually touching on the grimmer aspects of this situation, the shift from comedy to something more serious is natural and not a jarring break in tone. For example, you've mentioned throughout the story how hard it is for the Yamanaka family to accept Deidara's existence and what it has done to Sumi and Inoichi's marriage, playing it for laughs at points, but always acknowledging that it is not a laughing matter for the characters involved. Though, on the subject of family, the smiley face at the start of the chapter and the hug at the end made me feel all warm and fuzzy - sweet, touching moments that show that they're still a family and that they still love each other.
Deidara and Ino's relationship continues to unfold, giving them - and the reader - new insights into each other. Ino is softening towards him, discovering that he may be criminally insane and brimful of pyromaniac intent, but that he is also a person capable of feeling joy and humiliation, anger and pride. When Deidara finally vents everything he has been bottling up all day, it's a sobering moment for her. His pride really is in tatters, and his treatment in jail does not help. All he has left is the ability to decide whether or not he wants to eat, a truly degrading situation for the proud young terrorist, one that emphasises just how far he has fallen and also helps to set up his brush with death at the end of the chapter. The ANBU escort could hardly care about him as a person and are prepared to eliminate him at the first sign of danger, a realisation that shocks Ino and the reader to the core. It also leaves Ino trying to convince herself that she does not care about him, that she was simply acting kind because she was tired and not thinking properly. This, I suppose, was one of the reasons why Tsunade did not want her to take him out for the day, as she's probably aware that contact can lead to attachment and attachment to heartache when an unrepentant Deidara is executed.
One last little interesting point I noted was in Deidara's rant, where he specifically mentioned "your fawning parents" and "your family". Sure, he may just have mentioned them as they are about the only people in Konoha that he's seen, but both he and Ino are very much aware of the fact that they are family, and that one of those fawning parents is the same man who abandoned Deidara's mother and left her to raise her small son all by herself. Perhaps some of his anger is also bitter resentment that Ino has the loving family that he never did, though he'd be the last person to admit it. Poor, proud Deidara. I really did feel for him this chapter.
This story is outrageously funny and deeply touching at the same time. It's really beautiful. I do hope you'll update it when you have the chance; it's truly a lil' treasure:)
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