|Reviews for Overcoming Handicaps|
| ninewood 5/18/11 . chapter 4
Oh, Dougal is in for it now! :) Hope you update this soon!
| ninewood 5/18/11 . chapter 3
Ah, now that was clever! I just hoe Dougal goes for having someone teach him to fight left handed.
| ninewood 5/18/11 . chapter 1
Just found this. I love the Love at Stake series and Dougal is my favorite, next to Robby. Just one tiny thing. You have to keep using "ye" for "you". And the little purse is called a sporran. And the fact she staked Conner was so funny! :)
| Kitty Felone 4/1/10 . chapter 1
Only because you asked... but I won't go too far.
I see some mild mistakes of grammar and I can understand why they've been made.
Other than that, unless you introduced your characters in another story, you should do so around the beginning of this one. The reader needs to know who these two girls are, WHAT they are, what they look like, and how they are perceived by outsiders. If they are the main chars, we need to know who they are.
Add more descriptions and details to all your lines. There is good dialect but not enough detail to direct us with what's going on. This is better than most I've seen, but you still lack story. Dialect can't hold a story alone.
One thing that may help, the next time you read a book, don't just read the story. Study the craft. Compare the way the author forms their sentences to your own and make mental notes to work on those faults. Don't try and write like them; just compare your work with that of other published writers. A story is a giant outline and the rest of it, what makes up the bulk of the book, is a bunch of words. Go back over and add a lot of these words in to describe these parts of the outline.
You're pretty good when it comes to personality, and I'm not talking about a character. You express your character's tastes pretty well. However, speaking of dialect, when writing somebody with a different accent, always remember generic phrases and words probably sound different. You have Angus saying "you" instead of "ye", or "you are/you're" instead of "ye're". A good rule of thumbs is to keep these "special" dialect words on a pad of paper and each time you run across one in a book you're reading, jot it down. I personally have a long list of these words, myself.
One thing that a lot of fanfiction writers don't consider is the tell-tale difference between fanfiction and published work. I'm not saying all fanfiction is written cut and dry and I'm not saying all published work is written with perfection, but hardly any of them can be mounted on the same level as one another. Fanfiction writers tend to care more about the story and therefore they lack the need to explain things. They think more about results and getting the story written down than to sit there and take the time to write a decent paragraph or two describing Bianca's long blonde hair and shimmering blue eyes or Billy's glutinous belly bulging out of his too-tight clasped belt.
As I said, not all fanfiction writers write like this; some are terrific and I hope that the ones I used to read had stopped writing fanfiction to write and publish real fiction. Authors who have titles under their belt use dialect as a way to strengthen their scenes but they rely more heavily on the use of description and direction. I’m not saying to overuse detail because too much is just as bad as too little.
Just try to focus more on the story rather than on the dialect. You’ve done well with dialect, even though you need to fix the parts spoken by somebody who isn’t English or American. Now what you should do is go back through and add some actions to everything. Describe where they are and perhaps what they are doing. Throw in some more personal scenes for whosever POV (Point of View) is being used at those moments. Like I said, compare your work to that of somebody who’s been published and study the craft. Jot down notes and record every word used by somebody with an accent for future reference—heck use this same method for normal words you wouldn’t usually use to help strength your vocabulary and your story’s details. You’d be surprised by the things you discover when you read a book and study the craft at the same time.
In fact, sometimes just reading a whole lot and studying the craft can teach you as much as if you were to go buy every self-help writing guide you could find. The only difference is those self-help books teach you in their passages and point out what you should be looking for whereas the simple storybooks don’t. You’ll get the same results though, I assure you.
| Jessfairy88 2/27/10 . chapter 4
ha ha I love the new add. Can't wait for more.. I see Zoltan is going after Reagan and Dougal goes after Ti. Wonderful
| Jessfairy88 12/12/09 . chapter 3
*mouth hits floor*
Lovinh it. I thought you protrayed Dougal great with him being a bit shy.
| Jessfairy88 12/8/09 . chapter 2
Its just keeps getting better and better.
| Jessfairy88 12/7/09 . chapter 1
Wow ADHartmann I love this I'm adding it to my favorites. I can't wait to read more. I guess later on you'll add the picies I have already read.