|Reviews for Cobras princess|
| Fic Hunter 10/7/10 . chapter 1
In the immortal words of Leonidas and that Persian idiot who got kicked into the well...
This is madness
...no THIS IS FUBAR.
| voldyismyfather 9/5/10 . chapter 1
like the idea more please
| BigTimeGleekBTR 1/25/10 . chapter 1
I LOVE THIS STORY SO FAR IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES!
PLEASE UPDATE SOON I WANNA READ MORE!
| Aeria 1/13/10 . chapter 1
It's an interesting concept. I like it. But you need to get a beta, NOW! Or you can write like crazy, leave it alone for a few days and then look over it, then fix it up. Your writing will improve. Just keep on writing.
| KrisDawnRulez 1/5/10 . chapter 1
You should add more detail to it.
| Asterisk78 12/19/09 . chapter 1
Since someone else has already critiqued your grammar, I'll take the canon.
First, the GI Joe. If you're going to have Cobra Commander and Scarlett getting it on, the you have to label it AU. Besides, Cobra Commander is a pretty horrible father; he tried to kill his real son multiple times. Second, you mention that Hermione's aunt is a viper. If you're talking about the Baroness, she's far from a Viper. She's part of the Cobra High Command. Finally, while Storm Shadow worked for the Commander very faithfully, he isn't very fond of the Commander, and I doubt he would allow the Commander's child to play with his swords and I don't think she would call him uncle.
Second, the Harry Potter. Does Hermione reall strike you as the kind of girl who wears Victoria's secret? Is she still English? How does this have anything to do with Harry Potter? Admittedly, I'm not a huge HP canon nerd the way I am with GI Joe, but I've read the books, and this seems pretty inconsistent.
You'll probably want to reconsider this story and get a beta.
| Thuringwen 12/9/09 . chapter 1
According to your profile you're an American.
How then is it possible for your grammar to be so horrible?
English is not my mother tongue but even I can tell that you are in desperate need of a good beta reader.
Punctuation IS an important part of writing.
That does not necessarily make you a bad storyteller. I don't know anything about your plot or if you're able to bring the characters to life - and I never will because I stopped reading after the first few sentences.
With better grammar and more structured sentences, you will definitely gain more readers and positive reviews.