Grammar. It's important. Also, research the game's lore before you write next time. And how would all the factions know the exact name of the other's ships and abilities? You want my honest opinion? You can do much better.

Why do you have those breaks? Weakens the story.

This is really good. Hope you continue

Good to see that this fledgling fandom is finally under use. Of course, it took FOREVER for someone to notice that fanfiction had added it.

Anyway, 'information on the advent blaming..'

The Trade Federation exiled them for their cultural practices. Of course they'd be blamed, and they ARE guilty of it. Qpoting the game, "..a sinful society of deviance. There was NO question, they HAD to be removed.."

I don't like how it's jumping around. Just pick a captain and stick with them. We have three different situations, and only one of them is resolving at all.

Well apart from the way you structure thing that was an excellent story...I suddenly want to play Sins...

interesting but

i think it could do with more detail Universe wise ie: info on why the advent blamed them for their exile etc.

good job for making the first fic for SoaSE

pretty nice actually... I just got the game and have only been disapointed y the fact that it didn't have the story mode after that great introduction to one... oh well...

I can tell from the fic. that you have played a lot longer than me... lol... I think I'm going to stick to Spyro for now though until more people star reviewing Sins fan fics here... lol... ill then you seam to be alone...

Thanks,

Cornys