Thank you for the explanation at the bottom of this chapter. And I appreciate the upbeat parts of the story. They do successfully compliment and relieve the more angsty moments.

After reading further, I take back my comment on ch2 about the criticizing attitude of everyone. The actual actions of everyone and their dialog does not seem to vary much from canon. It's the internal dialog and descriptors that are what make it feel darker, which I believe you are doing on purpose to follow your plot. Again, this is done well and I like the story you are telling.

The only point I would make is that of Kasumi's attitude. This is completely acceptable with the destruction of the shrine and her feelings for her mother and family. However, I would hope that she does not languish in ignorance and dark feelings for long :)

Very well thought out story, but a bit dark. I usually prefer the lighter upbeat themes, but you've got me intrigued.

The criticizing attitude of everyone towards Ranma is hard to accept based on the manga or the anime, but I can see that it is critical to your story. It would be useful if you could somehow explain it or provide some reason for this attitude. Again, this is not really necessary because the story is interesting enough to overlook it. Just a suggestion to remove the need to suspend disbelief.

This looks good so far. I'm looking forward to reading more :)

and gymnastics clubs,
[But Kodachi goes to an entirely different school…]

Kasumi adding to
[Missing opening dialog marks (at least, this is where I assume that ‘mental tally’ starts)]

post she wad been
[had]

lumber pilled up
[piled]

to here it
[hear]

each dept by ten.
[debt?]

as the only time she ever worked out anymore was to burn off steam.
[She’s trained when threatened before…no, you have a point]

leaving the Saotome line and art no heirs to carry on.
[Though with him dead, that wouldn’t be much of a concern for him anymore]

Nabiki was obviously shocked at just how much thought he had put into this.
[These are things that he’s at least insinuated before, I don’t think she’d be shocked, much less obviously so]

I really crossed the line here."
[I don’t get it. Especially by this point, Nabiki’s been unrepentant and uncaring of the damage she causes others as long as she deflects it from herself. Unless she stands to gain something, I’m not sure that this Nabiki that knowingly invited a disaster to the attempted wedding would take this much responsibility when it’s been her MO to dodge at every point previously]

"No way..." she heard her own voice whisper, uncalled. "That, that isn't possible,
[She’d remain rather skeptical, certainly, but she wouldn’t be aghast after all the things she’s seen]

you're 'curse' is most likely some kind of unknown water-bound microscopic parasite,
[1: your 2: this weak explanation is something she should’ve gotten over after less than a month of seeing the chaos Ranma drags around with him. This is a bare minimum of a half year after his arrival, probably longer]

"If you killed a god... what does that make you?"
[Did she not just hear Ranma describe that Saffron rebirthed right in front of him?]

Lets get back in
[Let’s]

avoid any ore
[more]

I will not take any more advantage of Ranma then I absolutely have to, he's got too much hanging over him as it is.”
[What’s she care if she hangs another sword above Damocles-I mean Ranma? She’s done so before on multiple occasions]

but after Stifling
[stifling]

upset from earlier.
[Missing closing quote marks]

The look she attached to the question was not a very pleasant one,
[Kasumi’s not this pointed]

and made Nabiki almost want to curl up into herself at her slip up.
[Nabiki isn’t that easily gulled by guilt]

...more like not mentioning other contributory factors. I may have been somewhat... careless with my selection of location for informing the guests."
[Canon Nabiki isn’t called out often enough for me to confidently say exactly what she’d do, but I can say that this isn’t it. I remember once when she was called out by Akane and Nabiki nearly seemed to flaunt her manipulation]

that was convenient"
[Missing closing quote mark]

"Guess I ought to do something nice for him..."
[I point to Nabiki’s brief stint as Ranma’s fiancée. When has she _ever_ done something nice for him?]

"Do you think you should to talk with her when you finish, Ranma?" She suggested, without any hint of a question.
[Kasumi’s never been this stupid before. She knows that Akane is capable of hasty conclusions, and when she knows that she’s not quick to harshly prod Ranma]

and I fear we may have irredeemably lost face in the community over this matter."
[That’s Akane’s fault, not Ranma’s. I think Kasumi would know Ranma can’t fix that right now]

The dojo meant far more to this family than you realize, Ranma."
[No, it didn’t, but as many times as you’re throwing the characters to OOC I’ve lost the will to try to point it out]

It should not require stitches, yet.
[If it’s going to need stitches, it needs them sooner rather than later. Waiting only makes the injury worse and potentially destroys a chance to recover]

They seamed to sober instantly upon seeing him, backs stiffening and throwing him angry glares.
[If you were wanting to push Ranma to one of his non-Tendo fiancées, making him as unwelcome as you have here is hard to top]

your feelings on the subject have no weight."
[Genma’s an idiot, but while he’s ignored Ranma’s protests he hasn’t made it a point to throw that in Ranma’s face]

There are a lot of details (like reference to Kodachi going to Furinkan when her school is St Hebereke) that are wrong or too vague to be helpful, but by and far the most crippling problem this story suffers from are the Out-Of-Characterisms. Akane’s hasty and angry but not this much an ogre, Nabiki’s no incarnation of evil but neither is she a nice girl, Ranma’s forgiving but not this stupidly ‘uhh oh well’, Kasumi’s not this barbed, Genma’s not quite _this_ harshly stupid. You’ve twisted the characters from their recognizable canon selves to something that is most definitely _not_ them. My problem isn’t Nabiki changing her mind - ? used this premise and it was a very interesting dark fic; pairing Nabiki and Ranma also isn’t impossible (though the only time I’ve read a pairing outside the main 3 of the Fiancee Brigade and thought it wasn’t contrived was Aondehafka’s “White Rose”, which gives a fair shake to every character in the cast). However, you just threw people around seemingly without regard to how their canon selves would act, instead of making reasonable changes to evolve their characters from the relatively flat personas in canon to more three-dimensional people that might take different person interests’.

Ouch. Poor sod. At least he's a better person than I am... I'd have gone ballistic if I'd have to take Genma's attitude at the end of such a ** day. Or the attitude of ANYONE while under that kind of stress.

Though, Nabiki was a little OOC... I realize she isn't evil or heartless or anything, but she was a little bit overly emotional in some places.

Sounds like Cologne's blowing hot air. :D

How can she hope to help Ranma defeat 'the pale one', when she doesn't have a clue? She even goes to lengths such as keeping him awake, further diminishing his mental capacity, all from her paranoia.

Everyone and the world is acting out against the boy. Swell.
I say Seppuku's looks more appealing by the second.
Feh, it might even be a blessing at this rate.

And in all of this, only Nabiki has the courage to admit her part. While she had the LEAST hand in it! These guys are class acts indeed. Nodoka should be shot on sight. Genma caged and sold. Kasumi needs a good whack, or a good laid. Ryu's flat, but he's one dimensional already from Takahashi's writing. So it's forgiven. The Kuno's sibling stays nuts. Nothing new. Ryouga & Akane's a pair of losers. Soun needs a new gay lover, or a kick in the nuts. Pantyhose needs to be Pokeballed.

In the end, the best solution available right now is to have Nabiki have Ranma's kids. The poor boy beheaded the night after. And the rest of the gang committed to a Lunacy ward.

Awesome fic so far, I'm really enjoying it! I look forward to another chapter soon!

why is it ranmas fault it seems to be everyone else is an honorless dog and hes the easy scapegoat

I've been reading stories on this site for over 5 years now and every once in awhile I'll do a Ranma/Nabiki search and find this fic again at the top of the list. I started reading it in 2003 now it's mid 2008 and I'm still reading it. I'm amazed (and grateful) at how long you've kept this story going and manage to update it after such a long time. I think last time I read a chapter was a few years ago and I had to re-read the whole thing over again just to remember what happened. Which isn't a bad thing since it's such a good story. I'll always be looking forward to your next update 6-8 months from now :) Keep up the great work! I hope to see the end before I die :P

not sure how i missed a chapter, but at least i got two for the price of one. it seems like we're on the verge of another shift in the story. can't wait to see what happens then.

Great descriptions, great chapter.

This was excellent work although you still might want to go back and fix the dividers in the previous chapter, even if only with a - between sections.

Very nice to see an update. I had lost track of this story and had to start over from the beginning. But as I remember, it was a very enjoyable read. I look forward to you next update :-)

wow you wouldnt believe how long ive been waiting for an update for this story like years now

Excellent work as always, keep it up.