OMJ! That was crazy goood! I really love your easy was of adding detail!

very interesting 7 chapter read.

I love the last line!

Please continue this! It would make an amazing movie!

Woooheee! That's good! Haha! I can't wait to read more! Update soon as ya can!

This is a fine chapter, but there are some spelling errors.

Remember to have capital letters at the beginning of sentences.

Also, when the character's are saying: "Your Welcome" it is not that, it is "You're Welcome." YOUR is possessive.

I really like this and it caught my eye even though I normally only stick with one main story. I see that you havent updated in about a month so I hope you havent given up on it because it would be great to be able to read more. im really surprised you dont have more reviews on this but I know how that goes since ive written a couple but never got a review yet :) dont give up

I'm surprised you haven't had any reviews yet! I love what you're doing here and am anxious to read more when i've got time. Just a couple of things. I didn't get "the man 'ts' his tongue." I think you could say that differently. Then I was confused by "She was here." At first I thought Max had sensed her somewhere close by in the present, but then when the guy turned around and screeched away I figured it just was a misspelling or typo you had meant to say "wasn't." Later I figured out what you meant. You could use "had just been" instead of "was" to make it more clear, or something along those lines. Again, though, great start.