I liked this and I hope you decide to expaind on it some more.

"After all, if it was as simple as sacrificing yourself instead of another, then who would really be interested in such an action?"

Well, Hinata, for one. Interesting.

It's not too bad for a start, but I don't understand how this is "original fiction." If you had written up a new world with new characters that had nothing to do with Naruto or any other existing title, then I'd call it original fiction.

Another delightfully creative look into the gaps and inconsistencies in Naruto. I love it.

This was very interesting, and pleasant to read. It flowed beautifully and the ideas presented were believable. I hope you do decide to add to this. After all, Hinata's eyes were aching. I would like to see where you take this.

this story idea/start is awesome

this was rather well written, I liked it. Kinda a shame though it seems to be a oneshot. This could be the foundation for a pretty damn good story.

Good work

you should make this a full bown story or at least show what happens to hinatas eyes...

We all want to know just where the hell it is, though I do like your idea.

If Hinata gets stronger eyes for her actions aginst Pain for Naruto...

Well all I can say is here's hopeing.

oh i love this

like your writing style too :)

not too much information but enough to get what is going on.

lol this will sound spoiled but...any chance of a sequal?

It's kind of depressing that this story is finished because the concept seems very unique and has an interesting question to consider also.

*snickers. Perhaps I am a horrible, horrible person, but it seems like it would serve Hiashi right if Hinata, who he's called a failure for much of her life, were the single Hyuuga to get a powerup. Especially if it took the willingness to sacrifice yourself for another.

Going by your version of the creation of the Byakugan, Hinata could be considered a throwback to the original wielder, the Snow Woman. She sounds a lot like Hinata in temperament, gentle, kind, and generous. Which would be further karmic smackdown for Hiashi. 'Emotional control', pft!

I really liked this one-shot. If you ever decide to go somewhere with this, then I'd love to read it.

-Phoenix

I was actually wondering about this myself, it seemed like the story of the Rikudou Sennin totally forgot about the Hyuugas ;o