Thank you for writing your story in the present tense which I know from experience is not easy to keep up consistently. The experience of living, feeling and reminiscing is “felt” in the present. Is it any wonder that putting the audience in the seat of action is also the goal of effective storytelling, filmmaking? Yet in the conventions of the English language, stories are often told as if they occurred in the past. While it’s true scads of great stories are written in the past tense I’ve always wondered why there is not more present-tense fiction.

I agree with your comment about John’s POV feeling out of place in this story. I also think you resolve the need for his perspective very nicely by hinting at John’s thoughts on the relationship between his mother and terminator by including it in Cameron’s POV but not give the character his own narrative. At its current length and the active-characters-as-narrators format, the story is so much about the two women, anyone else’s point of view would feel intrusive. Of course, you can always expand the story… I know it’s been a while since you wrote this but I’d love to see what you do with that.

Speaking of verb tenses – it’s barely noticeable – but I thought you might want to know that the fourth and third paragraphs from the end lapse from the present into the past:

- “Sarah's breathing grew ragged and a tiny sob found Cameron's audio receptors…” AND

- “Machines did not hear voices on the wind and…”

Thanks again for sharing your work. Your story encourages me to actually complete something!

Nicely realised and v. evocative.

love it

hope they become an actual couple

if it's not finished

please update soon x