|Reviews for Ghost within the Avatar|
| Berserkerofhell 1/9/10 . chapter 2
That was an awesome chapter. Sneaky, like a snake. He is so in.
| ErethrenGarav 1/9/10 . chapter 2
Nice going, kinda annoying about the whole muscle memory problems, Jake not really being in his top form ad everything but there you have a little something most fics lack; realism kicking your teeth in like it should every once in a while. Though I'm slightly interested in one thing; Snakes on Pandora. I'm not quite sure if such a creature is a reality in the moon's eco-system. While, I admit, the selection of animals portrayed in the movie were somewhat limmited in their selection, and its quite possible there is such a creature, I also believe its not much of a stretch to have no such thing as snakes, or a like animal, on pandora. Depending on which way you want to go, it can tie in quite nicely with Grace's school and given Neytiri knows english and did study there, (picture on the 'fridge' of the mobile link up station had her in it with the younger Na'vi students. that can be a bit of interesting dialogue between Jake and Neytiri come a time when she starts tossing around words like Skxawng and possibly snake in Na'vi around, (or at least trying to if the Na'vi don't have a word for it, try 'evil, slithering predator') So... in final you have three choices; one, and this is easy, make snakes exit on pandora and think nothing of it. Two; go deeper into Neytiri's backround with an explanation of how she knows such a creature exists. (I mean think about it, small children learning english are given interesting things to put a name to, animals are one such avenue of learning, so Grace could have put snakes into the learning process and ended up having to explain what they looked like and what they did.) or you can completely ignore the term from now on and stick with the insultive skxawng.
anyways, your story, and above all, i'm glad this is still going.
| samurai89 1/9/10 . chapter 2
Thanks for the great update!
| The Gandhara 1/9/10 . chapter 2
I like it. I was a unsure at first because it seemed a simple re-write, but I like the way you depict everything, like the nature of the SPECTRE program. There's an underlying tension in your words that I find very fitting for the initial stages of the film. Plus, I can see the little hints when this Jake doesn't quite react like the one in the film.
I must admit that I expected Jake to fare a bit better than this. He seems much more aware, that's true, but in the end it was luck that helped him survive that first night in Pandora.
| Sefirot 1/9/10 . chapter 2
Good chapter. The little changes you have made makes the sotry more and more interesting. I know is early, but I just want to see the confrontation with Quadrich xD. Looking foward to your next update!
| anon 1/9/10 . chapter 2
This is very well written. I love what you have done with the story. Write more soon I want to know what is going to happen next.
| Hakachi no Kureno 1/9/10 . chapter 2
Damn... not bad. NOT BAD AT ALL!
A marvelous piece of work you have created here. A truly intriguing modification to the original story line. A very attention grabbing one too.
Anyway keep up the good work :)
| Stelly 1/9/10 . chapter 1
excellent. look forward to reading more.
| Extant 1/9/10 . chapter 2
Awesome chapter! This is as much fun as the movie itself! :D
I totally thought the same thing when Jake was being chased by the thanator! I was sitting there going, "Shoot it in the mouth! Shoot it in the mouth!"
Only two things stuck out to me: "Jake noted the unmistakable greed and solace in Parker’s eyes..." 'Solace' means 'comfort'. Not quite sure what word you were thinking of there, but solace didn't seem to fit. Or else it needs some explanation as to why it's appropriate, like why the rock would bring him solace.
The other spot was Jake's state of "ultra consciousness". I think a better word would have been "hyper". Ultra means "extremely" or "utmost" or "ultimate". Hyper means "over" or "higher" and is used to denote altered states beyond the normal range (think of words like "hyperthermia" - overheating of the body, or "hyperactive"). Either way, it also should have been used as a prefix, "ultraconsciousness" or "hyperconsciousness".
Other than those two spots though, I was very impressed by the range of vocabulary you used. Especially action words to describe how the characters moved, like Jake "tussling" with the viper wolves, really brought the imagery to life.
Interesting that you had the seeds be attracted to him but not touch him in this version. Hm... And that he's "Scary like a snake" this time. :D
Yeah, that's the one thing that sucks about writing for a movie that just came out: it's easy to forget details when you can't pop the movie in and refresh your memory or check something. But I think you're doing an awesome job so far. :)
Really looking forward to the next chapter!
| Tea42 1/8/10 . chapter 1
I like, hope you continue
| Verlorener Engel 1/8/10 . chapter 1
I really, really love your story! If I have a word in the creation of the movie I would have made it more like your story.- I hope you post the next chapter soon.
| Midnightfairie57 1/8/10 . chapter 1
OOH this story is gorgeous. /i love the storyline for this one. Jake already has his body working. Ooh I can't wait for the next chapter.
| Kishi shirei-kan 1/7/10 . chapter 1
Very interesting story line you've got going here. I can't wait to see where it leads. update soon.
| Left hand turn signal 1/7/10 . chapter 1
You've fixed the one thing wrong with the original movie. Jake didn't act like a soldier.
| Takaiteishu Naruto 1/7/10 . chapter 1
This promises to be an interesting fic, will Jake still fall in love with Nytiri? Either way I'm looking forward to seeing when he gets his ikran.