|Reviews for The Lost Tribal Rose|
| shilosha 9/28/10 . chapter 1
Yes, I can sure tell you were about ten when you wrote this, and you can't be musch older now.
You have Dakota, with no preamble, coming upon The Boone children and grandparents going to Boonsboro (sp?) also with now explaination. There is immediate accepttance of Dakota. Israel and Jemima are riding with Dakota, but then suddenly israel is coming to them with a request from his grandfather for Dakota to hitch up the team because he is so much better at it? How did Israel get off the horse, and Dakota show his skill at hitching a team.
The entire story is disjointed like this. Next they are attacked by Indians in paint, and then with no reason are suddenly in a cave with a "dark skinned man" and two other people (no explaintion for their prescence given) and somehow Dakota just knows they are after the children. Then the three are entering the Boone cabin and Jemima is sick?
I could not read this or any of your stories. You need to bull them all, get yourself a Beta reader to clean up your continuity and grammar and resubmit. I could go on and on about that. These are not just the occaisional typo.
Since I don't know your current age here I am going to take a tab in the dark here. You have discovered the series either in reruns or on DVD. You have (or had) a crush on Mingo when you were 10 but realized he was "too old" for you. However, you perhaps have an older sister or someone Jemima's age whom you admire, so you created your own "mimi-Mingo" for your fantisies. The similarities are there. The older "mean" brother (tARAMINGO), THE eNGLISH EDUCATION. tHIS IS FINE; IT IS YOUR STORY, AND YOU KEEP THE mAIN CHARACTERS TRUE FO TYPE, SO THE INTRODUCTION OR ADVENTURES ARE YOUR OWN TO CREATE.
sOME THINGS, HOWEVER, ARE ESTABLISHED. wHICH SIDE OF THE FAMILY IS bEN FROM. wE KNOW IT IS NOT rEBECCA'S SIDE; HER FATHER AND RELATIVES FROM HER FAMILY ARE IN THE SERIES. (sorry about the all caps). Daniel's parents are never (to the best of my knowledged) mentioned by name, and only once is an aside, and not them specifically but only that they are "fallen away" Quakers. . What is the wife's name. Why are they going to Kentucky? Why are Israel and Jemima with them and not their parents? Whey are the grandparents not with them when Dakota brings a sick Jemima to the cabin. They obviously stopped is Boonsboro (sic) as Cincinnatutus knows they are on the way to Salem. Why didn't they bring Jemima to her mother, or even stop at the Boone cabit to let them know what happened? They obviously didn't, as Rebecca mistakes Dakota for Mingo.
I hope this helps you understand what I mean by continuity and cleaning thisgs up. You have some good ideas here. It may be that you need to "chapter" your stories in order to flesh out and make your ideas presentable
| El Gringo Loco 1/31/10 . chapter 1
An intriguing opener, I look forward to seeing where it leads.
| griffonnage 1/9/10 . chapter 1
Hi Minne Sota, your stories are cute. Were you longing for a younger version of Mingo when you created Dakota?