|Reviews for No One's Looking|
| Wulfie005 4/17/12 . chapter 9
I NEED MORE! It was so cute a fluffy!
| Wulfie005 4/17/12 . chapter 4
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! This chapter is just abdshfeu! So cute and perfect and augh! So glad they finally kissed, keep it up!
| Wulfie005 4/17/12 . chapter 2
Umg, I looooove Roxie and Velma together, I thought I was the only one! Please don't stop writing!
| wodolanka 8/14/11 . chapter 9
One of my favourites stories, I really love it.
| terfle 11/27/10 . chapter 9
I love this story. I'm not normally such a fan of Roxie/Velma slash but this was written so well. I demand another story of the adventures of these loved up ladies :P
| The Music Woman 4/17/10 . chapter 9
I simply adore this. Do continue.
| CardboardCreative 4/1/10 . chapter 9
"The words were like a lullaby to Velma's ears as jazz music could softly be heard softly playing in the distance." I love that concluding sentence!
I applaud your venture into this fandom, as I know I have mentioned before, but will say again for the sake of the last chapter. Like a true slasher, you conjured up a decent enough storyline to breath life into a pairing we were all thinking of anyway (perhaps a little more adamantly than normalcy permits).
The way I appreciate this story is almost like an alternate slashy ending to the original musical; you delve into this pairing in a tentative enough way to be considered characteristic. However, there are a few notes on dialogue and actions that are out of character, at least to me, for how swiftly they occurred. Although, I am not going to denounce the adorable love declaration ending.
And then they had wild, crazy Jazz Age sex. The end. :)
| Ashley 3/7/10 . chapter 9
That was a nice little treat. I liked it, short, sweet, simple, and oh so to the point. Thanks for sharing.
| garnetmystery 3/3/10 . chapter 9
*squeals in delight*
YAY! It was PERFECT just...PERFECT :D
Ohmygawd I don't even think my ending can compare with YOURS! Gosh...this is officially my favorite Chicago fic now :) It truly was the perfect ending to the most perfect fic :D
Fantastic job :D
| CardboardCreative 2/28/10 . chapter 8
Ah yes, the classic "we're going to have to sleep in the same bed" bit. It works every time, and certainly is not cliche at all. At all. And I certainly have never used it in my stories for my own slashy gain at all. No, sir.
This chapter was definitely authentic as far as characterizations go. They would totally be drinking in the middle of the day. '"Don't ask, just drink it."' Made me smile. I also enjoyed the flippant way Velma regarded her dead sister and husband's belongings. Quick canon question: didn't Velma murder them in a hotel room? Why would they take away the mattress if it wasn't the mattress they died on? OH NO, OH NO, WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW?
I'm excited for the last chapter, to see how you're going to regard the end of the musical in the context of the story, and whether or not Velma and Roxie actually swallow their pride and get together already. It wouldn't be anything major, I think, but they should at least regard that they have feelings for each other and a myriad of of free time now that they have jobs... and an apartment... that they share... *cough*
| CardboardCreative 2/28/10 . chapter 7
Aw, where's the slash? I absolutely adore the running narration in context, though. Where it says, "Roxie was staring at her legs", I thought she was actually, you know, staring at her legs for sexy reasons, but then it wasn't that. Should have seen it coming! I guess I really haven't seen the movie in quite a while.
Anyway, business seems to be booming, but will Roxie ever forgive Velma? Their interaction was still written precisely, but there was less of a character interaction in this chapter, I think. They should get in a big ol' argument that ends in making out. WHO KEEPS SAYING THESE THINGS, THEY'RE SO PERVERTED.
Also, if Billy set up Velma to testify against Roxie, wouldn't Roxie be informed about it? After all, if it was a ruse of Billy's design, then it's an acting opportunity for all three of them; if he told her, then there would be no way for Roxie to ruin it by shouting things out of context in the courtroom. Anyway.
| CardboardCreative 2/28/10 . chapter 6
Interesting chapter. I would like to know what happened, though, and Roxie's reaction. Are they both out of jail? Will they still go into business together? Will they ever get jiggy? Just a few questions that plague me.
'Velma Kelly wasn't the type to feel guilty.' Good paragraph to go off on a tangent on. The entire flow of the writing after the italicized portion was smooth. Not to say the italicized portion was bad in any way, I just wish I knew what happened in court.
Good thing there are some chapters waiting for me, eh?
| CardboardCreative 2/28/10 . chapter 5
This sounds like trouble. I don't like it. Don't do it, Velma- !
A good scene between Mama and Velma, who are both so awesome that when they banter back and forth, it's double the awesome. Anyway. I like that Mama knew about feelings between the girls even before they knew it, although I would have to say, your use of 'love' and the realization that they did want each others' bods was quite sudden. After all, every whirlwind starts out with meek tremors.
I should just hope that Billy doesn't mess everything up. Because, jeez, he would.
I'm off to read the next chapter!
| CardboardCreative 2/28/10 . chapter 4
I want you to take me very seriously when I tell you not to give up on this story. It's the chapters like these, where dialogue, characterizations, narration, and plot progression are so on the ball that I am convinced you're a better writer than you give yourself credit for. This chapter was done very well, if not a little hasty for my own slowpoke method, and it is precisely for that that I say that the characters were incredibly true to their originals. I enjoyed this tremendously, and not just because is was sexeh sexeh.
And, on the subject of the sexeh sexeh, what a kiss! I should hope that it only increases from here.
Just a note- I like how you go out of your way to emphasize Velma's smoking, and her consciousness of each cigarette. It gives the character and the story more authenticity.
| CardboardCreative 2/28/10 . chapter 3
'Maybe she's mean to me because I'm mean to her, and I'm mean to her because she's mean to me.' There, you hit it right on the head! That's the entire summation of their relationship. Also, "Goddammit. Love, Roxie" That made me chuckle.
You said something about Roxie's writing filling a gap in Velma's soul. I would have to say that any relationship they form would be on the basis on commonalities, as in, Roxie absolutely adores the performer Velma and Velma admires the gall of Roxie the innocent in the courtroom. Plus, both have cutthroat attitudes. What I mean to say is, I think that this relationship is one they find distinct from their others- and perhaps more sincere? Well, that is entirely up to you, O Destroyer of Worlds and Master of the Chicago Universe.
Now I am very excited to see how Velma reacts to the last entry. Something tells me she's not as soft and vulnerable to the concept of taboo.