I like it. The setting is wonderful and I love how you wrote it. Haku seems like such a good character and Kimimaro deserves a little

My one problem was that it was a little hard for me to get into...but thats just me. I hope you update soon.

Kaga

This definitely shows some potential. The girl, Haku, doesn't seem to have any qualities that might make her a Sue and that in itself is admirable. Though she isn't your character, you've been able to portray her in a way that is both respectful to the original creator and to the creation itself.

Me likey!

I love that you're not an idiot who thinks that the life of a noble, especially during the Heian era, is easy and smooth-sailing. You've done your research for something you're clearly working hard on and I appreciate that you took the time to do so.

Haku reacts like any normal girl would. The blackening of the teeth, the heavy garb (Thank you for putting that in - the kimono IS a difficult dress to wear in every way) she's wearing, her not wanting to take any part in the beautification process, etc. It all makes her realistic and a very believable character.

Two (very minor) things I'd like to point out:

1) Translations! We're not all able to understand the terminology you use throughout the chapter :]

2) Kimimaro seemed a little off to me. Maybe it's because I haven't seen him for ages (such a pity D: ), but I felt that he should've been more reserved and shy towards a girl. But at least he's not terribly out of character :P

By the way, I've created a forum that aims to help writers to help with character development for their OCs. I think you (and your friends) would be a fine addition to our small forum (we need active members!). Our goal is to eventually reach out to other writers here on the site who use OCs and help stop the viral disease that is known as the Mary Sue. (that sounds so... gay.) The forum can be found by clicking the "My Forums" link in my profile at the top, if you're interested!

But all in all, I enjoyed your story! I shall be looking forward to new updates!

Wishing you the best in all of your future endeavors,

A. E. Stover

This was very sweet. Really awesome Sapphire. Can't wait to read more.

Very sweet! I don't like OcXCanon stories if the Oc is poorly made.

I loved this, can't wait for chapter 2!